Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I have learned that growing up with Musculoskeletal Chronic pain since childhood that I allowed pain to be part of my existence and accepted suffering and PTSD as a normal thing!
How can I overcome the fear of of not being in control, having to accept the risk of more surgical procedures and years of physical therapy, learning how to walk again every time; only to have them ripped back open year after year? The last 6 years (5) surgeries $48,000 for each 5 hour procedure! These Revision Surgeries have been scheduled for me already... not my choice. It is up to me when to come out of hiding from my house to go get this done again! I have not recovered from the last total knee replacement; it has only been a year.
I am tired of being 5'10 on one leg and 5'11 on the other! Just an exhausted life after 10 surgeries since childhood.p They always told me as a child this would cripple me; but it is the "mind" that I fear is being broken presently! Everyday I hear the train go by and wonder about giving into the self hate and self worth presently! My current state of being confused and scared is stopping me from going forward in life, not the fear of not walking, but having more surgeries!
Suddenly I had to go off of all PTSD meds since most are processed by the kidneys. I came here so daily peer support could take the place of daily medication. 6 years later I was lucky enough to find out from my pdoc that they found one PTSD med that is processed by the liver and not the kidneys. It's for PTSD nightmares, so after 6 years without any nightmare medication for is was a real gift to get it prescribed for me.
Meanwhile, the nerves in my extremities have died from lack of oxygenated blood from my kidneys to them, so the nerves in them have been dying painfully over time. After they're dead, I lost sensation, so I walk with a cane due to numbness in both legs from the knee down.
I was ordered to begin dialysis immediately after I collapsed but I refused to become machine dependent for 9-12 hours a week so I could work a full time job as I live alone.
I have staved dialysis off for 7 years now by following a strict regimen for preserving the 40% of my kidneys I have left. I'm not a transplant candidate because I refuse dialysis. No aspirin, no booze, no lots of things, but it's been worth it. My young boss asked me to go on disability in year 1, but I've managed to work full time with almost no sick days these 7 years since her suggestion. In 2 years I hope to retire.
I doubt if I could face surgery as bravely as you do, but luckily for me that doesn't have to be put to the test since chronic kidney disease isn't treated by surgery unless it's for the purpose of transplant itself. As Kate said, you're an inspiration. Keep us posted as things unfold for you, ok? We're here for you.
I find when I am confused and scared, that one of the things that helps me to reduce those things is by breaking down what ever the situation is into several smaller situations and then dealing with them one at a time.
In the situation you describe, which is very difficult by anyone's standards I would think, I would not look at the whole picture of all of the surgeries over all of those years. I would only deal with life in the now and which ever surgery I was facing now.
by doing this it accomplishes two things. it makes the scary less so and it also in creases the chances of success in the future instances, because coming through one and rehabbing will make you want to do more by building your confidence in their success chances.
triple hugs of support