Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
It has been over a year and a half that my life changed in front of my eyes in a second. The man I loved and cherished and had been living with me turned on me over something so minute that it was scary. It happened on a Friday night I was tired and did not want to talk much less fight. I had just worked 74 hours at work for the week. I was hurting and in severe pain but, I tried to keep a smile. Next thing I know he starts talking and downing my son calling him a theif. well anyone of you that are parents know what happens when someone goes after your child. I tried to carefully choose my words then I saw red and said how I felt entirely about his useless daughter that is 28 years old with 2 kids with different daddies that is not married and lives with us and does nothing to improve herself. Well, kids that did it and I saw for the first time a side of him I had never seen along with a flying remote coming at me, then a wall then the gun. Up to that time I was a very loving, trusting person. What I was and what I am now are two different people. I am scared of my own shadow. I do not go out unless I have either my mom or my son with me. I cry myself to sleep and let's add had to have major surgery on my neck c567 and T1 are now completely redone front and back. After my surgery I started having severe panic attacks anxiety pain etc. My surgeon sent me to a pain mgmt specialist and after 4 months of putting my body thru torture of physical therapy they found it is Fibramyalga. Put me on Lyrica which has helped but, the anxiety and panic attacks are still very bad. I have nightmares and alot of hatred buy, with all this and what i went thru having to move suddenly with my elderly mom and son 8 times in three months. Wow! I still have feelings for this idiot. How is that possible? I keep remembering 3 weeks prior to the incident we were on a two week vacation him and I and it was heaven for the most part his daughter kept calling trying to get him to come home. Weird but, this is her miss drama queen. I have mentally been thru so much in that relationship and now I can add physical and still care.
I know for a fact that your memories are all jumbled up because your mind is trying to place your trauma in context. You are comparing everything before your trauma and after your trauma and trying to find the right "place" for it in your mind. It is a process and I can promise you it gets better with time. I'm 3 years into the process and I never thought I could feel better...until I started feeling better.
Please be patient with yourself. Be compassionate to yourself. You are such a valuable person. Good job getting this far. I'm proud of you and happy to see you talking about your situation with the group.
Treat yourself as you wish you'd been treated. I have that on a post-it on my computer. Because you are worth what you would do for others in that situation. Give yourself the time and space. It's all we can do.
I'm still sorting out how I can possibly grieve for an abuser. I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, where she's in the tornado and everything is flying by her and at her. She doesn't know she'll land safely and neither do I.... so it's hard to believe it when people say it. Did that make sense?
Healing smiles,
Leo
I am trying to learn to "head them off". It doesn't always work. But that's why I am going ot a cognitive behavioral therapist twice a week. Working on those issues is not easy... If only we could take a magic wand and wave it, y'know?
And to 51Percent, thanks for noting that abou tthe Tips. I can sure use 'em!
It turns ugly so fast, and it takes so long to heal by comparison, but Alan is right. It does heal over time. He mentioned 3 years.
How life gets undone so fast and then takes so long to heal isn't fair, but that's true in physical healing just as in emotional healing. it only takes a second to break a bone, and weeks or even a couple of months for it to heal after it is set and put in a cast. Same with our emotions after a terrible break in a relationship that gives us PTSD.
So treat yourself how you want to be treated, good motto. And let your emotions heal slowly like you'd let a broken bone heal. You wouldn't criticize your arm for however long it would take your broken arm to heal, so don't criticize your mind that way, either.
Be good to yourself. You're not alone in this.
Look up trauma bonding maybe? It's hard to let go of trauma bonds, because you were busy surviving by becoming attached to the abuser. My ex did this same shit with my kids, and yes, that is when the shit hits the fan.
And for everyone here who deals with PTSD, maybe look into EMDR therapy. I had one session, for one memory, and that memory has never been triggered again. I'm looking for an EMDR therapist now.
(((gentle hugs))) you're not alone.