Last weekend my daughter was working on a project that she thought would take about 4-5 hours. Instead, it ended up taking her closer to 30...mostly because she just couldn't figure out how to make something work as she put together her presentation (It ended up being that the microphone wouldn't record while she had her headphones plugged in. But, without knowing that, it would work for her, then not work and ...well it wasn't pretty.)

Was this "important"? Yes, No, Maybe
Yes...it was to HER, and to her grade.
No...in the long scheme of things this wasn't going to matter much.
Maybe, she both wanted it to matter to me (I brought her mint tea, and generally excused her from the chores that she normally did). And, she wanted emotional support.

And that's pretty much how I'd answer your question. If it's important to you...it's important. Etc.

By 6pm Sunday night, I'd pulled her away from her computer. Asked her brother to see if he could figure out what the problem was. And I rocked and sung to her in my terrible (it really is) singing voice, an equally terrible made up song.

I sang: "I won't love you more if you get a F. I won't love you more if you get an A. I won't love you less if you get a B. I won't love you less if you get a D. Over and over and over. (Basically the "no" part of your answer.)

Stress poured off of her. Her brother figured out the issue. And she finished her project. I threw in a parental lesson of asking for help before it got to that point. Which she knew, but still managed to hear without getting too defensive. She hit me, we play fought, and laughed.

So is any of that important? Well it's an opportunity to feel cared about over something that matters to you. And so yes, it's important. In fact, in a way, it's the only important thing in life (after food/water/shelter).

***And so ends Patti's philosophy on life. Please feel free to throw cream pies. Really. I like cream pies. Oh well, my daughter will come home and hit me for you...and we'll laugh.***

I hate it when I start to ruminate over and over again..... I'll obsess over something going wrong for me right now it's when my pooch gets sick as he has some chronic illness and I end up a wreck

I know all of the logic and of course the hindsight always makes me feel foolish until the next time

I wish I knew how to turn it off..... Sometimes I seem to be able to drop things into my God box however sometimes I can't seem to let it go

I know it would be much wiser to simply 'accept the things I cannot change'.... It can sure be a struggle at times though...... especially when it's painful

Coconut cream Patti sounds good to me!!

A conscious effort to tell yourself 'fuck It' because trying to understand is proving to be just as hard as the percieced knowledge of what it is going to be. Obsessing over self, when you don't even know self, means if you wasted this much mind space and are still no clearer, it's time to make a choice or move on. Idk I feel like I'm not making sense but I know first hand it sucks trying to understand and the never ending circling back is exhausting. I do the 'will it matter in 5 years' thing and I believe my 'it' will but I'm still no closer to understanding so I know I need to either shit or.get off the pot before i waste any more of my life trying to figure out Pandora's box. I know this but that doesn't mean I will follow it lol. Sooo no help from me just a comradery in the mind fuck of 'its'.

Thanks guys. . . Chewing. . .

Here's your cream pie, Patti, just 'cause you said you likes 'em. I am thinking you are the lady in the yellow rain pancho. She's they only grown-up who had sense enough to dress for the occasion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWiWUuzlRXw

Um... I used the twelve steps of AA to learn to surrender obsessive thoughts in the step three prayer. Was always amazed when it worked

Perhaps doing some arts and crafts helped me to develop my mindfulness

Have you listened to Florence and the machine "drumming song" on YouTube? .... I used to listen to that repetitively and try to see deep meaning in her artistic expression
When my thoughts were racing caused by a crazy making relationship

Ah it's really hard to stop racing thoughts, if all else fails theres always meds

Obsessive thoughts? Maybe try to get obsessed about something safe like a tv series or computer game, history books or learning a new subject. A sort of distraction

Have you tried writing it all down in some sort of logical step by step process that helps you stop ruminating and find solutions??

Like pros and cons of doing and not doing something
Journaling the contents of your head etc

Eckhart tolle on YouTube teaches about separating yourself from the stories in our heads and becoming present and he's amusing

Wow, patti, that's a heckuva story about your daughter's stress and how you held her and sang to her to soothe her. You're a wonderful mom, my friend.

arfie, I read your journal as you suggested. I don't want to break anonymity, so I just will say I saw the word "bitter" there, just as I saw it in someone else's separate post today. It got my attention because my own thread yesterday had the title "Bitterness after surviving trauma."

Getting the facts for folks like us is hard to begin with. Then there is living with them. It's important, to answer your question. It's just that it's too much for any one person, so I'm glad you reached out here today. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to survive a traumatic childhood.

We're your village, arfie. Much support to you today. You're not alone.

In the context within my journal, "Bitter Betty" is a personal memory of my personal mother. It really was one of her nicknames. My birth clan had a cruel and colorful tradition of name calling. Everybody had at least one cruel nickname for every occasion.

One of the more fascinating parts of the healing village is how one thread can tug so many seemingly unrelated threads. I hold it as one of the great wonders of the world.

don't know about the obsessing, cause when i do i do until the very end result. there is no asking questions or trying to distract. its just grab hold and hang on tight through the whirlwind. so I'm no help there.

Banana cream or chocolate sounds good to me in the pie a thon

And if I really could redo my childhood, I would make sure i was born into patti"s home~

hugs