Sarah started a thread about liking yourself and I just wanted to share my story without stealing her thread.

I used to hate myself, my body as well as my personality. I hated my looks partly just because of normal teenage insecurities but mostly because I look so much like my vile excuse of a father (not starting on this topic again, grrrr), which also led to problems with the rest of my family (they don't like him much more than I do, which means not at all).

The looks part was solved by rationalising it, my favourite cure-all. The personality part was much trickier.

About three years ago I met someone who became one of the best friends I've ever had. I do not believe in soulmates, but that is probably the most accurate way to describe it.

We liked each other the moment we met and became very close friends within about three weeks. The kind of friendship where you rarely see one without the other, we spent almost every day together, finished each other's sentences (to the great amusement of our other friends), understood each other without talking... that kind of thing.

We were very similar to each other. Same interests and hobbies, same main character traits, similar f*cked-up-ness in our lives, same way of thinking. He also suffered PTSD.

We could talk about everything. He was the first person I opened up to about PTSD and my traumas, and so was I for him. To this day, he's the only one who knows my entire story and, as far as I know, I'm the only one who knows his.

Anyway, back on track. We both had lots of self-sonfidence issues, despite seeming pretty confident to others. Another special thing about our friendship: we were the only ones always able to call the other's bullshit. We both hated ourselves, and loved and admired the other. But in the end we were so close because we were so much alike.

Thing is, it really puts things into perspective, meeting someone so much like yourself. It's like looking into a mirror, but instead of your reflection as you're used to it, it shows you what other people see. Many things I admired about him were traits/things I had as well, only I hated them in myself. He felt the same about me and himself. Back then, we both were ashamed of having PTSD, of our own "weakness", yet we were amazed at the other's strength. We were equals, but we perceived ourselves as lesser/worse than the other.

Both of us realised this a few months after meeting, we spent an entire day talking about these things and that was the turning point for both of us. By learning what we liked about the other, we understood what the other liked about us, what there *is* to like about ourselves. Because by hating ourselves, we insulted the other, we both were forced to face the irrationality and rediculousness of hating ourselves.

Things I didn't like about myself, I hated them because they were about *myself*, I never hated the thing itself. It was *me* I didn't like, but I didn't have an actual reason. Everything I thought I hated about myself was just an excuse to do so, to hate myself. Once I realised that, it was only a matter of breaking the habit these thought patterns had become.

It's still a work in progress, but I'm a lot better. I don't like myself entirely, but I understand now why others like me and I have found things about me that I genuinely *do* like.

As for that friendship, he eventually fell in love with me, I'm aromantic as well as asexual, which he knew and accepted. I then had to move very far away, and about half a year after that, he explained to me that the little contact we still had was painful for him, so we parted on good terms. I miss him and I miss our friendship, but it might have been good to stop where we did, since I suspect we were well on the way to depending on each other a little too much.