my childhood was so unstable that by the time i arrived at my current "home" in 1977 at age 23, the road was my home. i felt far more at home with my world contained in a backpack and my guitar case than i did with a house full of junk in need of care. i was on my way to someplace else when i arrived here and felt hugely trapped when i realized i wasn't leaving any time soon.

fast forward nearly half a century and i managed to make it back to my home on the road for a few years, but was called back by a domestic crisis which launched my second parenting career with three young orphans. stranded in the dust bowl again. . .

my thoughts? ? ? i wish i was you. . . i miss road life.

it is not bad because you haven't fined yourself the place you want to call home
being free to move around and not being encored down by pets and physical belongings. is freedom that very few can experience. so enjoy it will you can
eventually you will fined a place you want to stale at.
Home is a place were the people that are important to you, and that make you fill important. just be comfortable in your own skin. you haven't arrived at your destiny.

My bipolar dad fooled the missions board until he finally got caught, but by then as a missionary kid I'd attended 13 different schools in different countries from K-12. I just moved again to retire but before I did I'd lived in the same place for 10 years. I proved to myself that I was capable of that, but it really didn't make much of a difference. Home is where the heart is, no matter how briefly or for how long.

I appreciate the feedback sounds like I should try and enjoy the open road...

Welcome and big hug rico....... it would be really hard if you have to continue to move because of panic and fear.... That would be really hard on you

If you did it because you wanted to see that world that would be a much different thing??

I think being a doctor might be a good thing for you.... There is help for paranoia and panic..... xo

Appreciate the feedback SunCloudJD but unfortunately doctors cost a lot of money and I have seen a shrink and pscychotherapist. The assistance I had with them was fairly nominal versus working through the issues on my own. I also did notice that I am virtually broke due to fees they charged. I am not sure how good of an idea it would be to go to a doctor. SInce I stopped literally due to the financial burden of being unaffordable at this time, I have started to feel better. When people recommend I see a doctor it gives me the vibe that I shouldn't be here. I guess I will leave you guys in peace.... you should note that I am living in countries where there is actual physical harm that happens everyday. People get extorted, kidnapped and violant crimes are quite a regular thing. So when I am moving out of fear it is very possible that I do actually have something dangerous happen. It is a part of living in affordable areas as a foreigner. For example my last apartment that I lived in was beside a drug point, and I had an experience where someone came to my home demanding money and threatened harm. I left immediately because being a foreigner living in front of a drug point I was scared of being harmed. My panic attacks are fairly reasonable, in my opinion and I doubt seeing a doctor will help, in this scenario. Learning about where the drug points are before renting an apartment is of more use. I wish you guys all the best, will not disturb you anymore.

No that wasn't the intent at all.... and you aren't disturbing anyone.... You wrote that you feel paranoia and panic and some of those horrible feelings can be helped medically

I am sorry that you've been going through so much that truly is horrible and frightening

These were your paragraphs that I commented on and I truly didn't mean any offense .... I gave my thoughts as I have suffered from both paranoia and panic at one time and I needed medical help so that's what I shared... Sorry!

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"I don't even know how I feel about it, I typically just move as something happens I get paranoid someone is going to cause harm and have a movie play out in my head where I get panic attacks regularly so I move somewhere else to reduce the anxiety and eliminate the panic attacks.


Maybe I should try to get a job and find a stable place to live??? Anyone have thoughts on this?"

So many does n0t have a place to call home and it is Christmas

The idea of "home" has always been a complicated for me. As a kid I had little stability so I went between various friends houses all the time. By the time I was 20 I was pretty much living with my best friend. I had really wanted stability more than anything. Once I got my own apartment a few years later I wasn't able to unpack for a long, long, time because I wasn't used to the idea of staying in one place. But slowly, with the next few apartments, and eventually an animal, I actually became obsessed with the idea of having one place that I can fully call mine. No one can bother me or tell me anything. I get to decorate how I want and have all the stability I always craved. And unlike in my early twenties, now I go full out with stuff everywhere.
So no, it's not bad to not have a home, but if you do have one eventually, you might really like it.

There's a special and unique definiton of "Home" for those who suffer from PTSD. Home is safety. If you find safety out on the road that is home for you. For some souls freedom is home. For some freedom is home for their identity. some of us were not made for this world, where home is defined by superficiality. Maybe that is what we are meant to do, to give a whole different meaning of home to this world that would allow many to heal that have not found their place here yet. To anyone who has not found their home keep searching. I've also been moving around because I have not found a place that allows me to heal and absolutely treat my condition. It's been hard to keep going but I know I deserve to get to my destination. I've been through a lot and I want to get to my rainbow so that I can show other's the way. We can get there guys. Don't give up.

Sometimes long journeys make for the best finds.

Amen to that, Wiz!