I seem to be recovering well from the most recent flashback series. Seem. I can't really trust what seems on the edges of my flashback zones. Those zones are even more murky than the fuzzy wake-up zones of the first hour after waking from sleep. The theme of this particular flashback series seems to be hyper-sexuality. I have survived massive amounts of hyper-sexuality, both as a victim and as a perpetrator.

This morning's meditation reader is "Hope for Today." The day's entry seems especially pertinent to my current processing. Thought I would reinforce it with the data-entry work it takes to share it here, gently edited to fit my current, strictly personal circumstances.

"Several years ago I attended a workshop where the topic was of little interest to me. I sat letting my thoughts ramble on about the inappropriate responses I sometimes have to situations. As usual I justified them by reminding myself I had learned these responses while growing up in an unhealthy environment. I was off in my own little world until I heard the words, "smug" and "self-righteous." The presenter described how these character defects covered the world in darkness where no light could show through. Just then I became aware that it didn't matter if I had unhealthy parents! I also had a program to improve myself. To recover.

"Finally I realized that I am not unique. I'm not the only person who struggles with effects of mental illness. Yes, I may have learned some of my character defects and my negative responses to life from my parents, but they are my defects now. My parents cannot do the recovering for me. It is up to me! No more blaming. It is time to get on with my life.

"I reached a turning point when I realized who was hurting when I blamed my past instead of correcting my present."

End quote.

Yep. As I typed, it settled in as just the additive I needed for the current processing.