Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
im back after a long time, it's nice to see some familiar faces around here and hi to everyone who's came after I left. I'm struggling with life again which is what brings me here. I booked an appointment with my T but then remembered this place so figured I'd pop in.
My problem is panic attacks and looping thoughts. I can only describe the brain stuff as feeling like there's a lump in my head full of jam packed thoughts that as soon as I manage to sort one thing, it throws itself back into the lump and something else jumps out to be sorted but only to be forgotten...idk sounds crazy but it's my head right now.
I felt this coming on a few months ago and disconnected from the world and have been on auto pilot since, avoiding all the other drama in life just as a means of survival. My ptsd shows itself by avoiding anything that could potentially disturb my peace. So my trust of people during this stuff is zero and as a result I walk away from everyone who isn't my family. It doesn't help that their level of understanding is zero also.
Which leads to my resentment of the people who don't understand. I just can't imagine having someone I love suffer in some way and not even ask if theyre ok or google how to help or anything. I'm made out to be a freak for putting up my survival walls which, as history can tell, do come down eventually. These walls aren't coming down for them again. They aren't mind readers but if they only knew how much I tried to keep a lid on it for their benefit, I think they'd have a greater appreciation for my struggles. But they don't care. This is the biggest loop going on in my head.
Thanks for reading
I haven't been on here much myself until the last week or so, my self isolating extended even to here. It seems every time I talk myself into trying to be more sociable and go out, someone sees it as their duty to knock me to the ground again. Goes beyond the possibility of random chance for some reason so yeah, distrust is a big issue.
I try to remind myself no-0ne owes me anything and they all have their own issues the same as me. The only thing I would wish for is that they live and let live as I hope I've learnt to do. Oh well, hope we both have a win soon.
I use the dioramas to sort the traumas and reactions for identification and separation. Every now and then they may topple into a mess, but it helps to re-sort where they go.. There's a lot of those boxes on my mental shelves.
Any way work in at your pace.
Support, J.
I have "loops" in my experience of my PTSD symptoms, too. I've tried to trace the arc of those cycles so as to be prepared for them by being able to predict their course, but so far I haven't been able to. About resenting others who don't understand, I'm glad I have space here to vent safely when that sort of resentment builds up.
Even if my resentment is justified, over and over time tells me that it's better that I don't just blast it out there in my workplace or church or other places in my life that don't have the architecture to withstand the damage I could do if I just let loose. My resentments aren't just fueled by the present, after all, but by my past, so they can go nuclear in ways that would startle others around me in my day to day, to say the least. There has to be an outlet for it, though, for me just as a human being. I'm glad DS PTSD is here for me to do that safely, in a way that's safe for others but also so I don't have to run the risk of carrying resentment around inside of me with nowhere for it to go.
Good to have you back so I could reflect on this and many other things....