The first thing you have to do is remain calm yourself. You will not be able to help her with anything if you get emotional and she needs you to be the strong one. Yes you are suppose to protect her, but you were not there, what happened was not your fault. If you are going to go to her place of employment, make sure that you are calm, and that you have thought it through. I had a similar situation where my girlfriend was bullied by someone, and I felt the same way you do. I ended up overreacting because I felt like my manhood was hurt, and ended up regretting it, and not even being able to help her because of my own feeling. Stay calm my friend, and be there to help her. She needs you to be calm and supportive right now. I'm here if you need to talk, message me.

I was in a similar situation, not with my wife, but with my mother and sister when we went through an attack on our home on the mission field where we served as a family in a war zone abroad, lldaddy0914. My father was away traveling for his work, so I was the man of the house when the attack came.

Fortunately, a neighbor with a weapon ran the intruder off, so my role became clear: calm and support them. I know how you feel about wanting to go to the building where your wife works so as to set things straight. However, since what happened is documented now, you will actually do more good calming her and supporting her at this point.

I know it's hard to be in that support role rather than assume the protector role, but it is actually the more specialized role nobody else can take up for her right now the way you can as the closest man to her in her life. And you've got our support here for you as you support her. We're with you.

This has all happened in a very short time by the dates given. If it is a first incident it is likely PTS. Post Traumatic Stress comes following an incident where the fear sets in of what could have happened. This can develop into PTSD (develops a month or more following an incident.) but she also may calm after a period on her own. That's resiliency in the majority of people. Either way her talking freely with a councilor will help to kind of "debrief" the incident and severity in her thinking. You also have some responses to work on, I get that you are scared.

I was scared like a banshee when my husband fell from a 2 story roof at work and they took him to the ER before I could get there. All the thoughts of all that could be? injuries? life? wanted to go screaming out, but I needed to first see how he was. After we knew what his condition was I cried and told him how scared I was. He would heal but it would take weeks. The only time I was happy for fresh snow fall.

You said ."I really need to go see someone at the building she works in." is it for a separate non-related appointment? Or to address her employers on her incident?

She should be able to handle this with her employer since she and the employer understand the types of clients she is dealing with. They may even have options for her counseling that go with the job. You going in to "fight" for her may not have the effect you or she wants.

You are married so try not to build the walls of "I can't tell her..." or not sharing fears. . If the shoe was on the other foot you would want her to confide in you if she was afraid because you were hurt.

If she had a previous history of trauma then this is all mute. The sooner a person is helped by a therapist following an incident the better the out come of treatment. The steps are hers to take but you can hold the door and support her honestly in this.

Hugs and support
J.

Good reading and talking points.
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml

First, welcome to the board and sorry for what's brought you here.

I too was thinking of how short of a time it's been and couldn't think of how to put it into words. Jewels said it well.

I'm also wondering if work burnout might be a factor. Nursing is notorious for dealing with confused patients attacking nurses. I was a candy striper in high school and still remember "Mr Rose" wheeling his wheelchair down the hall after me. People were in the hospital a lot longer back then. It was several weeks that I was avoiding him.

Trauma is trauma. Your wife is lucky to have you on her side to have someone to listen to her.

You have gotten excellent input in the other comments and I can't really add to it much, so let me just say welcome to DS and triple hugs of support~

Thank for.all your input. Me wanting to talk to her is about what happened. I am wanting to see how they are moving forward to protect their staff and residents.

I have calmed down some and she seems be getting better. I just am afraid this going to happen again if the residstent stays there.

Thank for.all your input. Me wanting to talk to her is about what happened. I am wanting to see how they are moving forward to protect their staff and residents.

I have calmed down some and she seems be getting better. I just am afraid this going to happen again if the residstent stays there.

I sat outside her for 10 mins. Was about to go in and thought this could hurt her more then help. On the other hand I an so consumed by it can't really focus on anything else. That was the hardest choice I have ever had to make.

It may, because of the clients being what they are. If you can imagine going through life not being understood when you try to speak, not once but everyday it builds up. But she took a lot of education to do this, it was her choice knowing that this is a possibility. If her complaint is in writing she should also get a written response.

If protocols were a problem then they should be addressed. But since the patient behavior is part of the protected information, what will be done is between the institution and the guardian as to them staying, HIPPA rules. The institution may release the patient to other care that provides the therapy or release the patient all together for the safety of others. Though sharing that info is another thing.

In your post you stated that she didn't fight back to avoid hurting the offender. That says she knew the person to be a person in need of care. There will be a lot of satisfaction in her career, but there will be a few "less than" outcomes as well.

I applaud her choice of career since there are not always going to be successes that she will see in her time, but she knows her patient's lives will be better because she gave them voice. That makes her pretty awesome.

You have valid fears too but don't bind her or yourself with them. Things just happen sometimes and are not the standard.

Support
J.

I'm afraid a lot of us get attacked that work in the health care field.... There can be dementia or mental illness involved

You can have the person arrested if you want to.... they'd most likely be found not criminally responsible however they could then be housed in a secured mental health facility

People are held accountable for their actions in one way or another by the justice system

I've had a number of people lash out and it truly is part of the job at times unfortunately.....

Especially in places like nursing homes where there can be a lot of dementia ….

Can you both get into some therapy?.... It's good that you've been able to feel more calm

Big hug.....xo

Her building is not staffed for certain patients. They don't have a locked unit or use restraints. I know they have residents that suffer mental illness and can become violent.

She didn't sign up this. She was attacked by a resident that probly shouldn't have been there in the first place

A speech therapist will probably at times have a number of patients who've had strokes especially in nursing homes..and that's a brain injury so sometimes really extreme anger/frustration can go along with that

Maybe a different type of facility would make her happier??…. I have been hit, pushed, struggled with as well..... Big hug.....xo

I think you made the right choice.

Believe me when I say that I understand how you feel right now. All you can think about is what happened, and what you could or should have done yourself, when in reality, there was nothing you could have done, because you weren't there, and doing something after the fact will not likely have a good outcome.

This will fade in time, I promise, and you will feel normal again. You will also be glad that you made this choice.

Be extra attentive to the wifey in the weeks to come. Spoil her, and be patient and supportive while she recovers herself.

Take care my friend.

You have received so many excellent replies, I shall simply send healing hugs to you both.

My wife called me and said that resident moved out. Part of me is relived, I just hope they are careful about residents they let in the building. Patients who have mental issues such as bipolar,IED etc who have a violent behavior they are not equipped for that and staff is not trained. I am still having nightmares about her being attacked. Over all everything is better and starting to heal. Thanks for all input and support

Glad to hear that over all everything is better and starting to heal, as you put it. That's good news. Keep us posted as to the support we can give you as things continue on the mend, hopefully surely if at times slowly. We're here for you, lldaddy0914.