Congratulations on holding it together. Sending you love and support for your meeting tomorrow. I'll keep you in my mind of prayers. Hugs my friend.

You have so much going on right now and I am so proud of the way you are holding it together, coping with your ptsd and handling these stressful situations.

Personally, I think you need to draw strength on the fact that you are doing this under some very stressful situations. You have coping very well. You are doing all the right things and you are standing up for yourself in a professional manner.

I have a few suggestions that I use, they might work for you.
Relaxing/Destressing
- progressive muscle relaxation (see you tube)
- special treats, like favorite meal, or snacks
- watch a funny movie - laughter is always good medicine
- ensure you are sleeping, eating well and drinking enough water
- I paint or take pictures. Maybe a hobby you enjoy-
- say "not my monkey, not my circus" out loud over and over. It is very empowering for me.
- visualization works for me to. I can picture myself at the cottage, on the dock, hear the water, birds; smell the pine, fresh air, notice the quiet, see the water striders on the water. etc. Very relaxing. Usually start with a few deep breaths, quiet area at night works best for me.

Not sure if any of these will work for you. Hopefully you will find at least one to depress you.

Confidence is a big issue for me. Before a big meeting I would always picture myself in control of the room.. I would picture myself listening carefully, thinking about my answers and delighting the audience with my answers. I would tell myself, I have this, I can do this. I also had a couple suits that when I put them on, it transformed me into a power house of confidence. Even my walk would change to a confident strut, firm handshake, good eye contact and in control without even saying a word. God I wish I could pull that out again. It served me well at times.

Good Luck

Big supportive hugs Muji. I'm sure you've got this.

I am sorry you had a student lash out at you, on top of everything else.

I don't know what you typically do to destress, but mindfulness and breathing exercises tend to work for me.

I hope your big meeting goes well and I will be sending prayers and positive vibes your way as you navigate through all of this!

May candles, paryers, and hugs coming your way, Muji. Gah, phooey on that student.... Much love and light surround you.

Muji, Support.
We become so conditioned to withdrawal in fear because of how we learned to react to adverse situations. But not all adverse situation are of the same value.

Your supervisor, was herself under pressure, her own lack of observant behavior, caused the lack of regulation of teaching skills in the colleague, she projected that on you. You didn't deserve this because you kept your standards...it was her problem,. She lashed out like a child, because it may effect her job, her safety and her way of life if she fails. There could have been any number of things that contributed to her response, as we know things do accumulate.
Not to excuse her, but to state the obvious, she is humane too and with many responsibilities under her title, you may have tipped the balance of her canoe. Offer a detailed report (student emails and any proactive steps you have done to help them catch up)of your actions to rectify the adverse methods of the colleague's approach.

The student should be given a list of lessons and exercises to completed, or reworked within a reasonable time, with submissions directly to you via email only, for critique. Given that he as well as the rest of the students were misled in the required amount of work to complete the course by the Colleague. But the option to satisfactorily complete the assignment and a breakdown of what he will need by score to raise his grade. I know many sources of funding require a minimum grade in classes to pay for the tuition, or a student is docked the amount(billed) for the class not passed.

An email outlining the minimum required to achieve the up-grade and the time you are allowed to adjust the grade included. (Ex. Please elaborate on point a.b. or c. in existing work or an assigned reports with citations on topics with appropriate word count and formatting)) A statement that this class is his responsibility to do or ask for help, not become angry if he didn't do the work. You need to know he understands the concepts.

My medical Terminology professor did the same for me, though I was trying. Being very literal in thinking due to conditioning, I couldn't make the jump to what he wanted, until I seen it in action. After a meeting and explanation by way of breaking down and practicing under supervision during the meet, I did the paper and received 100%, in a matter of a few hours.

Remember compassion for them and especially yourself. You can do this.

Hugs, and my heart Professor
J.

Big hug for you and a blessing muji... The hug is filled with an amazing destressor my friend... I hope you feel it...xo

an attempt at a gentle supportive reminder....

You, dear Muji, are not the ptsd any more that you are the kidney failure. we all live *with* ptsd just like we live *with* diabetes, thyroid issues, or arthritis. we are not defined by the ptsd. these last few weeks in your life declare this so loudly and proudly.

in my way i am trying to say....

"and I kept it together even with my PTSD"

i see it as you are thriving not with "my PTSD" no you are thriving while living with a condition many deal with- PTSD. this should be celebrated! in my humble opinion. so however it is that helps you shake off the stress and nerves do it in style. you deserve it.

Muji, I agree with you about being tested, but You are in the right. This student had to have been told by someone about his expected "A" grade, so I also like what jewells said, defining the rules/expectations of your job teaching this class, and the students responsibility and remedies if needed. I have to admit I did not think the situation you were put into was resolved, But once again You are on the correct side muji, you have the upper hand in this period, and I think your boss knows it, which is why she had to leave the room when you met and figure out how to "cover herself/her job" Prayers for continued Strength and Support to you ...remember the benediction prayer...paraphrasing...praying for the "Peace which passes all understanding "the calm that comes from simply stating the truth. Your Strength and Courage plus the Thoughts and Prayers of this group go with you in the meeting Thursday...de-stressing Hugs

Yes, and hugs and prayers

And just think what you can tell them to do after you receive tenure....wink...wink.... and another hug....xo

Thanks, I need that reminder. This week has been so rough it's hard for me even to want tenure at my job these days, you know what I mean? But I've been working for this for 5 years, and I shouldn't let that be lost in a moment of testing. I've done that before by giving in to my PTSD flight response too many times.

As for de-stressing, I planned my schedule for the week so I could rest up this afternoon of the day before the big interview. Good thing, I came home at 2pm and I've been napping for the last 5 and 1/2 hours now. Holy cow, it shows that I am truly exhausted from the events of this week. I'm glad to get this rest for tomorrow. My interview is that the end of the day Thursday, at 6:45pm Eastern.

So glad you'll be praying.

Not a dumb question, trickie. It's kind of odd. At most jobs, if you do a good job you keep your job, if you don't then you don't. But in teaching, both in secondary and college, after a period of years (sometimes 7, this time for me it's been 5) you get a big overall evaluation. You don't have any choice, either. You have to.

The next odd part is that the evaluation is about whether to keep you on forever (getting tenure) or fire you even though at the moment you're doing good work. It's an overall evaluation, so they can deny you tenure over anything bad that happened on the job in the last 5 years.

I didn't believe it was more than a formality until a close friend of mine was denied tenure years ago. In her case it was kind of personal, too. She was too much of a loudmouth feminist for the men who led the department. Luckily, I worked at another school at the time that had an opening. I was able to put in a good word for her, and she got a job at my school. But I took notice that a tenure review isn't just a formality.

I've tried to keep from being too much of a loudmouth. Then on the other hand, though, I chose to let it be known that I'm a member of DS PTSD, and I speak about PTSD at churches. I did it just last Sunday. I don't want something so important to me to be some secret that comes out later. I might get tenure by keeping it secret, but then if it comes out that I hid it, even with tenure my colleagues could make life difficult for me later.

I would rather be accepted now for who I am on the record at work. So that's why it's been important to me that this week, right at the end of my wait before my tenure interview, I've been able to keep it together when tested by conflict with my boss and a student at work.

Prayers welcome Thursday March 11th 6:45pm Eastern. :-)

Um, now that I look at a calendar, make that March 10th.

Geez.