Call You Doctor and Therapist and they will recommend the hospital. One step at a time. I have had to go to the hospital for stabilization and it was good. But I just did not want to go, once I was there I was OK. Please follow there suggestion

I've been hospitalized a few times. My experiences varied depending on the quality of the hospital. I would ask your therapist and doctor about the type of care you would receive at the hospital and if you can visit it ahead of time to get a feel for the quality of care.

I never wanted to go to a hospital. But they did get me through some terrible crises.

{{{{{{{{Elaine}}}}}}}}

This is what happened to me! I'd gotten my PTSD under control, and then I found out my daughter had been abused and tortured by the guy I was divorcing. I was ok at first when I reported it, but as the investigations and trial postponements dragged on and on, and my daughter and I were called over and over again back to the badplace for interviews with the detectives and lawyers, I got worse and worse.

My daughter and I were in counseling at the women's crisis center, and after a few months, my daughter "hit the wall" and wouldn't discuss it any further. Up until then, every time we went, she would reveal some fresh horror that was just too painful to comprehend. Every time she revealed something new, the counselor would say she had to report it to the police, even though they'd already interviewed her half out of her mind and already knew this stuff. *I* didn't. Instead of listening and helping, all this counselor seemed concerned about were her "legal obligations" to go to the police with each new thing we said. It was like being on trial myself for a year and a half.

The PTSD got so bad, I was completely wrecked. I couldn't think or function at work. I would be sitting there getting ready to do my job, and the next thing I knew, I'd been sitting there staring into no man's land for six hours! I started changing my office so it would be less stressful, and in the end, I worked every day with the lights off and just a small lamp in the corner. I had built a "nest" around myself with desks that completely enclosed me so nobody could EVER sneak up behind me or approach me without me knowing it. Eventually, I couldn't work at all. Just couldn't focus. Everything replayed over and over in my head all the time, and I finally for the first time in my life understood that sometimes, people commit suicide because the pain is just more than they can take. They KNOW it will hurt. They KNOW it will hurt others, but they feel so worthless and hopeless anyway, they feel like they will be doing their loved ones a favor. Even the pain of death is NOTHING compared to the pain of keeping on living.

This may be strong and unconventional advice that I - not being a mental health professional - have no business offering, but I *have* been in your shoes, and that should count for something. This is what I did ...

#1 priority: keep your focus on your children and what is best for them. Sounds like this is going to be an ugly divorce, and they will need to be kept out of it as much as humanly possible. Even when it is unfair; even when it hurts, focus on their well-being and making sure they have all the support and comfort they need. Giving that support and comfort can be one of your best therapies.

Understand that there are no meds that will obliterate what you are feeling and going through. You have to go THROUGH it. You are one of the unfortunate ones for whom having a child abused in the hands of a predator is more than just your worst fear - it is a reality. NOBODY wants to talk about it or hear about it. It's just too close to the heart, and they want desperately to believe that the unspeakable doesn't just "happen" - that you MUST have done something that allowed it to happen. They can't allow themselves to to stand in your shoes, because it *is* every parent's worst fear, and we all want to believe we can protect our kids and the unthinkable will never happen to them. So don't seek support from people who can't or won't understand and hear you.

Find people who WILL talk with you about it and CAN understand what you are going through. There are special support groups for parents whose children have survived abuse, assault and violence. Check the Internet, or ask your doc.

If your doc isn't giving you the time and answers and help you need, it may be time to change docs. I *know* that is really hard and scary, and it may not be the answer in your case, but it is something to consider. You should be getting relief , help, support and answers from your doc - especially now. If you aren't getting it, find one who can give it.

Adjust your meds as needed. You may need to add something for anxiety for a little while if you don't already take it. Make SURE you are being monitored and if you feel worse when your meds are changed, report it IMMEDIATELY and go back in for another adjustment.

YOU are the expert on your body. If you're in therapy and it isn't progressing or helping, TELL THEM! Tell them you need to try something else - your pain is too immediate and intense for what you're doing now. Part of what's contributing to you feeling out of control is feeling you are in their hands and at their mercy - and that isn't so. They are there to HELP you, but only YOU know what is working and what you really need. If you aren't getting relief, KEEP GOING BACK until you do.

For me, focusing my energy and attention on what my daughter needed helped me get through it. Being extremely frank with my docs about the whole situation and what was and wasn't working helped. Finding support from people who understand you - if even just to talk about it - is crucial. You NEED to know you're not alone, and no matter how nightmarish and distorted life has become, the storm WILL pass.

In the meantime, make sure you attend to the basics: get sunlight every day, move and exercise - even if it's just ten minutes of stretching on the floor; eat foods that make you feel better - try to avoid foods that depress the system like high fats, too much starch, etc.; rediscover a hobby you have enjoyed like drawing or painting or sculpting or writing. Something that requires focus but at the same time, allows you to just let your mind drift and clear. Something POSITIVE.

... and YOU were apologizing for going on and on?!?!?!?! That's what we have to do, Honey. Do it here; do it anywhere that helps. If a short stay in the hospital is what is best for you and will better enable you to focus on your daughter, ask your questions, get your answers, and THEN decide. You are worrying yourself frantic without knowing what to expect. It's so different in each individual case, there's no way anyone here can tell you what your doc will be able to tell you. If you can't bring yourself to go in, send en email or a letter or call. Just let yours fears be known and addressed by the people who can give you REAL answers.

As ever ... I am here for you.

I want to thank everyone that answered me- i dont know how to put this but it was good to hear from other people that have been threw the same experience.
I have an app. wednesday of next week and I am going to ask the questions i need help with and than hopefully i can decide what my next step is- I really do not wnat to be away from my kids right now but they are going to my mothers fro the summer and i will be seeing them on the weekends- maybe i can work something out with the hospilization so i dont miss the weekends
anyway i really need some help right now getting threw the weekend so i will keep writing and reading it is helping knowing that others have made it past the dark side i am in right now.

Elaine

Isn't it amazing how far down we can stuff things? I think you have several options depending on what part of the country you're in. Some parts of the country have places called "Respit Centers". They are like a place to go when you don't need fulll hospitalization but you need a little bit more than at home. They are staffed with trained professionals, but they don't force you to do anything you don't want to do. Think of it as a less invasive place than a hospital.

When I was going through my worst time, my pdoc and therapist did everything they could to keep me out of the hospital. For me, with PTSD, an unfamiliar surrounding with unfamiliar people would be too overwhelming for me. It's something to think about and discuss it with your care providers and supporters.

You will make it through this. You've had a tough time and we can all feel your pain through the words you write. But I think you are aproaching it in a very healthy way by finding out what your options are, how your decision will effect your life and that of your daughter, and you are reaching out to others for support and advice. All of those actions are healing. I wish you peace. Big huge hugs to you.

Hey, Elainel!

Did you see the posting on Propranolol (Inderal)? Also, there's prazosin (Minipress)and D-cycloserine (Seromycin.

In my experience, a lot of people don't know about these drugs for PTSD (or much of >any< drugs specifically for PTSD). You know, it's hard for anyone person to be well-educated in all the options for anything. Luckily, I have a really wonderful psychiatrist who is totally supportive and practical and >real