I think that one of the symptoms of PTSD is that you feel numb after awhile. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even a part of the world. Just kind of floating about. And I don't cry or anything....I just exist.

I can remember exactly where your at, and even after lots of recovery work, still struggle with it. Although, I don't feel ashamed like I used to when I do cry. A guy I know that have been the recovery since the days of Yoda, once gave me a suggestion that can really work. Rent a movie you know will touch on some things that will make you cry. Home Alone, at the end whether the father and son reunite (never had that, huge void and pain in my life)- every time I see that scene I would cry but shut it down. Now, I do my best to let it go but hugging on my dogs, and gently pat my leg. Also in E,T, where is dying and they find him in the bathroom desperately reaching out- that is my all of my childhood, desperately looking for kindness and love from anyone. Again, I loose it. Movies can be very powerful for me.

A second thought is to not every try to force anything in recovery. Learn some new tools, such as the one I listed, but recovery and learning how to live in balance, is a process. Your part is just to learn the tools, and consistently apply them. Find the ones that work for you. If you do that, and stick with your recovery work, eventually your mind and heart will feel safe again to slowly start opening up. Trying to force it will only make that process take longer. So take your time, learn a few techniques- but easy does it- and one day at a time my friend. It will happen if you create the kind of self love and safety that will allow it to come out.

Big Hugs!!! And hang in there-
Bob

I agree with alecat..i'm just numb. i cut tofeel and when i promise not to cut.i still feel numb

Hi hun, you know I used to have a real hard time with the feelings things and letting it out, I never cried but anger was a real issue with me. I started to write things down and when for some reason writing it out helped alot. then, to be able to confide in someone, later on got me to get a few tears out. Amazing on that . Well my dear, we are all different for sure, to cry is to cleanse the soul out and it took many nights of talking to get it out.

I am not sure if this is advice as much as an acknowledgement that I am there with you. I just wrote a journal entry about massage. I believe your body is soo stressed that it feels if it lets out anything it may not come back. If it helps, I am there with you. The massage helped me to relax. If you can find something, anything like hiking, crafts or hobbies, anything to get your mind off of things, I think it will start to come out. Another thing I have found helpful is to say outloud a couple times a day "It is alright for me to feel even if they are not good feelings." If you have a pet or anything talk to it. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes it works for me. I am still not totally there, but these are some things that I have done. I exist right now. I look at it as a way to keep the madness away. To make sure I don't go over the edge. I know where you are....at the edge of darkness and total madness. Look for something small...small steps and just maybe we will come back a little...good luck *hugs*

hi
i am exactly where you are i have so much inside but i can't get it out i just wanted to let you know your not alone if you need to talk i am here

I totally know what you are talking about. I agree with what everyone has been saying. For me, when I try to find other ways to "feel" things besides crying, I feel like I am lying to myself and just avoiding or hiding from what it is that I really truly need to feel. But at the same time I know that if I feel what I need to, it will be so overwhelming. And who knows what will come out. I don't even fully know what's there. But I agree with TexasGuy that you need to find something that works for you that helps you release little bits at a time. It may be that you can read a moving novel and it touches your heart, or watch a movie, or listen to a song, or see a dance. But when you find an opportunity to feel something, don't be afraid to let it out. Just let it go. I believe it happens in pieces. You can't give away everything inside you all at once. You may find that talking about it for an hour gives some release, then doing something fun gives a little more, then doing something that moves your heart gives you a little more. You can do this and you will make it through this. I am walking it through right now too. You are not alone. Sometimes I have to make myself think about something really hard and try to make myself cry. That may sound silly but sometimes it does work. And when I do get in touch with what I am feeling I have to set up a safe place where I won't get hurt by those feelings. Be careful and know I am with you in this.

Much love to you~
em

Oh yes...I know this. I have for so long been unable to cry. Now, not only do I have issues crying...but I have issues telling people what I need(emotionally) or what I want. Like a Hug. I find myself too much a burden to other people...to bother them with how I'm feeling. :(

18 months without a tear here. Without any emotion....except anger. So I dont have advice, but can only say that I am there with ya.

I feel like my emotions, except for anger, are gone. Laughter, tears, sympathy. What's wrong with us? My therapist and I are working on this. She said it's due to the trauma which cased my PTSD. It make sense, but it doesn't make you feel any better. Barb-Detroit

I can totally relate, and I feel them coming to the surface and just as they start coming up, I dissociate from them, and just go numb. My counselor says they need to come out if I were to move forward, and she is trying to help me with that, but it is really hard. I feel it all in there pounding on the inside of me like you would if you were locked in a tiny room for so long... its like that. I really need to cry, but I so can't... I want to but I can't.... ugh! I have so many health problems and I realize that the emotions that I am holding in are preventing me to heal my body. I do understand. You aren't alone in this.