Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hi everyone, this is my first post here.
I joined this website because, after struggling to find the right type of counseling for a while, I had finally found it - an in-person group at my university. This was the first time I had ever found counseling helpful... I learned so much in the months that I went. Unfortunately, this group isn't always offered and now I'm back to trying to find ways to continue my healing.
I think I like group counseling because there's something so reassuring when you open yourself up to multiple people, in a safe setting, and some actually understand these deep thoughts or feelings you're ashamed of. For me personally, it's so much more powerful than individual counseling. I know online forums are often less safe than a supervised counseling session, but I'm far enough along in my healing process to be able to handle that.
So with that, I just needed to share an experience....last night I had a dream about my abuser where I felt attracted to them in the dream. I woke up feeling really confused, guilty, and back to blaming myself for the situation. The abuser was a friend, in fact someone that I did find physically attractive before what happened, a feeling which still haunts me. I understand that being friends with someone, or even thinking someone is attractive does not in any way justify abuse... but the feelings of "maybe I brought this on myself" or "maybe I wanted it" are so difficult to shake, even when I *know* they aren't true.
Thanks for listening. :)
One of the most common problems those of us who are sexual assault survivors face is this one that your dream presented to you. That is our concern that we may have played a part in our own assault. Many of us were assaulted by a friend or family member in our own home, many of us on a date. So we blame ourselves for letting that person into our home or for having gone on that date.
We have the right to be attracted to people to be our friends or to be our date without blaming ourselves for how that person abused that attraction to gain access to our bodies and violate them. Any attraction we may have felt didn't give them permission to do that any more than our driving onto a highway allows anyone to ram their car into ours and flip it over to crash and burn. I'd say your dream is just your subconscious telling you it's safe now for you to accept that you can feel that way about a person again and still have your boundaries so you aren't violated by anyone. At least, that's how it is for me.