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At least for a while.
I'll fly out of Managua, Nicaragua, on the 29th, and stay with Mom in Southern California for about a month.
I've had a pretty beautiful trip. Roughly a month each in Guatemala, Honduras, Belize, and Nicaragua.
In truth, the magic of All The Answers To All My Life's Mysteries ... has still pretty well escaped me.
I gave it a shot ;-)
My chemically-burned eyes DO fare significantly better in the ultra-high humidity of these beautiful countries, but ... a Nicaraguan ophthalmologist recently declared them 'extremely dry,' nonetheless. The pain was creeping back in. I needed to be seen.
I sleep much better (still using Benadryl every night) than I did four months ago, when I left the States. That's huge.
I've had a very few trigger episodes ... which is also huge.
I'm having fewer nightmares than pre-trip. Also pretty huge.
But ... the things that happened to me (and which I'm still under court-order not to discuss) ... still took away my life-giving custom, fluid-filled contact lenses, and -- without them -- I still can't figure out how to lead a meaningful or satisfying life.
My glasses just don't correct my vision as well as those lenses did, and ... dramatically limit the sort of activities in which I can participate. The PTSD in me ... is also always just slightly terrified that I'll somehow lose my glasses.
I have nightmares of being in Central America, basically blind.
My prescription is also too strong to allow me to wear wraparound glasses/sunglasses, so I'm *constantly* battling against the beautiful sunshine and breezes, down here.
The climate that most people would describe as "paradise" poses a significant amount of ophthalmologic risk for li'l ol' me.
My Boston-area doc launched a new website. He included a few stories of patients with similar eye pain. If anybody's interested, I certainly found their stories moving:
http://www.bostoneyepain.org/does-the-tear-deficiency-disease-model-hold-water/
http://www.bostoneyepain.org/chronic-pain-following-laser-keratorefractive-surgery-2/
http://www.bostoneyepain.org/is-dry-eye-disease-caused-by-dry-eyes/
At the end of the day (so to speak), I'm still pretty symptomatic, in terms of C-PTSD.
The hypervigilance/anxiety component is definitely the worst.
I've been taking a daily low dose of Clonazepam. It helps reduce the actual shaking. I have a cup or two of (absolutely wonderful) coffee, early in the morning, but avoid caffeine after that.
But I'm pretty anti-social -- definitely a component of the thing that brought us all together, here. That's not particularly helpful when you're trying to work on your foreign language skills, and ... not particularly helpful when you're trying to keep yourself from sinking into very low places.
But I'll see my wife (who was already going to be visiting my mother, before I got called back), my mom, my family, and ... the beach :-)
And I will come back speaking (and understanding) better Spanish than when I left.
That's A Good Thing :-)
Not sure what my next move will be. I have a string of eye doc appointments while I'm in the States. Hoping maybe THEY know something new that could help me.
If not, I may head down to Ecuador and South America or ... maybe Southeast Asia.
My job, right now, is to stay alive until the docs can come up with something that we can try. My preference is NOT to do that locked inside a dark and heavily humidified house :-)
So ... as always ... I wish you all peace, health, and strength.
I'll fly out of Managua, Nicaragua, on the 29th, and stay with Mom in Southern California for about a month.
I've had a pretty beautiful trip. Roughly a month each in Guatemala, Honduras, Belize, and Nicaragua.
In truth, the magic of All The Answers To All My Life's Mysteries ... has still pretty well escaped me.
I gave it a shot ;-)
My chemically-burned eyes DO fare significantly better in the ultra-high humidity of these beautiful countries, but ... a Nicaraguan ophthalmologist recently declared them 'extremely dry,' nonetheless. The pain was creeping back in. I needed to be seen.
I sleep much better (still using Benadryl every night) than I did four months ago, when I left the States. That's huge.
I've had a very few trigger episodes ... which is also huge.
I'm having fewer nightmares than pre-trip. Also pretty huge.
But ... the things that happened to me (and which I'm still under court-order not to discuss) ... still took away my life-giving custom, fluid-filled contact lenses, and -- without them -- I still can't figure out how to lead a meaningful or satisfying life.
My glasses just don't correct my vision as well as those lenses did, and ... dramatically limit the sort of activities in which I can participate. The PTSD in me ... is also always just slightly terrified that I'll somehow lose my glasses.
I have nightmares of being in Central America, basically blind.
My prescription is also too strong to allow me to wear wraparound glasses/sunglasses, so I'm *constantly* battling against the beautiful sunshine and breezes, down here.
The climate that most people would describe as "paradise" poses a significant amount of ophthalmologic risk for li'l ol' me.
My Boston-area doc launched a new website. He included a few stories of patients with similar eye pain. If anybody's interested, I certainly found their stories moving:
http://www.bostoneyepain.org/does-the-tear-deficiency-disease-model-hold-water/
http://www.bostoneyepain.org/chronic-pain-following-laser-keratorefractive-surgery-2/
http://www.bostoneyepain.org/is-dry-eye-disease-caused-by-dry-eyes/
At the end of the day (so to speak), I'm still pretty symptomatic, in terms of C-PTSD.
The hypervigilance/anxiety component is definitely the worst.
I've been taking a daily low dose of Clonazepam. It helps reduce the actual shaking. I have a cup or two of (absolutely wonderful) coffee, early in the morning, but avoid caffeine after that.
But I'm pretty anti-social -- definitely a component of the thing that brought us all together, here. That's not particularly helpful when you're trying to work on your foreign language skills, and ... not particularly helpful when you're trying to keep yourself from sinking into very low places.
But I'll see my wife (who was already going to be visiting my mother, before I got called back), my mom, my family, and ... the beach :-)
And I will come back speaking (and understanding) better Spanish than when I left.
That's A Good Thing :-)
Not sure what my next move will be. I have a string of eye doc appointments while I'm in the States. Hoping maybe THEY know something new that could help me.
If not, I may head down to Ecuador and South America or ... maybe Southeast Asia.
My job, right now, is to stay alive until the docs can come up with something that we can try. My preference is NOT to do that locked inside a dark and heavily humidified house :-)
So ... as always ... I wish you all peace, health, and strength.
Have a good return journey. I am glad you experienced positive as well as triggering things while away. Your trip sounds like a success.
As a person with some eye issues of my own, I don't think you need to be paranoid to be worried about losing vital glasses. I just had more eye surgery last month and am still dealing with some secondary after effects. I very much empathize. Ocean air is high humidity, so if you can find a way to be near the coast while in California it may be a help.
Take care, and thanks for the report.
Ugh. I'm so sorry.
I hope the after effects fade quickly, and the surgery can be viewed as a success.
I'll be by the coast. I'll keep "an eye" out for you :-)
Thanks, letitbe.
I figure that if I can say 'progress is being made' that that's good enough for today, and I keep hope for tomorrow.
It sounds like progress has been made in this very imperfect world, and I trust God to be working things out in 'mysterious ways'.
I'm having serious eye problems too, because of my medical conditions. Nothing helps the deterioration, so I just deal with what I have each day.
As for, "In truth, the magic of All The Answers To All My Life's Mysteries ... has still pretty well escaped me. " I think that is revealed to us in the next world, and not totally in this one. In this world we are 'on a need to know basis'.
One of my favorite poems, that I have by my entrance/exit is the Desiderata.. 'the universe is unfolding as it should".
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Muji