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A co-worker suggested this week that I watch the HBO movie Paterno about the Penn State child abuse scandal. I live just 2 hours away from Penn State, so I live in Paterno country. I'm a football fan, too, so my response bears that in mind. I'm not anti Paterno, Penn State, or football.
I was, though, a lot like the teen portrayed in the film who blew the whistle on the cover up of the scandal. I was 10 years old like him when a pedophile like the one at Penn State preyed upon me and 4 other kids at my elementary school.
When I reported what had happened 2 years later, I was silenced "for the greater good" like the boy in the movie was silenced. Adults didn't want for me to "rock the boat" in the same way.
In my case, we kids banded together, and eventually the pedophile who preyed upon us was arrested, tried, convicted, imprisoned, and then in prison he was stabbed to death by a fellow inmate. However, this was done no thanks to the adults around us.
This post isn't meant to slam Coach Paterno, Penn State, or football, but to say that it's a real problem when sexual assault survivors and our healing are not given greater weight than the "greater good." I hope by affirming our stories and our healing here we are changing that day by day at Daily Strength.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Her comment floored me.
"Patti, Have you ever wondered why there were never any local kids in Second Mile?"....wow. I didn't grow up local...so I had no clue.
I did remember when Sandusky was Paterno's heir apparent. When he didn't take over as head coach, my FIL hit the roof at a family dinner. And I remember thinking..."something has happened, I don't know what...but something".
As for th erest... It's a hororr story. And that is a legacy no football victories will ever erase, nor should. No program is worth more than people, IMHO.
I also find your story and experience hits home even more. I think that is excellent that you and the other victims were able to come together & the perpetrator was arrested and convicted
The most painful struggle for me is how was how my family of origin scapegoated blamed abused me all to protect all that they were doing to me. And they were believed. People relatives in my own family believed them and no one looked into what was happening to and with me..
I think that's what drove me to band together with the other kids later on, because we only had each other to look to for help. Adults failed us all, I'm sorry to say. It's really amazing that our story had such a positive ending. It took a long, long time to come to pass.
That's one reason now I'm of the opinion that, just like homicides have no statute of limitations, there should be no statute of limitations on sexual assault. It often takes a long time to prosecute, while at the same time, the effects on us never expire on their own just over time.
I've just seen an interview with a young gymnastics champion from the US Olympic team who is speaking out about how the team doctor abused her and other young gymnasts hundreds of times.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/mckayla-maroney-says-larry-nassar-molested-her-hundreds-times-n866926
She said it's time for young people to be believed. Bless her for saying that. I'm so grateful.
"Silenced for the 'greater good'"... What kind of "greater good" would that be? (bleep bleep bleep...) What's more important than protecting children from these (bleep)? Sorry, but this makes me just furious.
Hugs, muji, your courage is inspiring to me. Thank you.
The point was that he got put away. That was the official justice. Then the unofficial street justice was that in prison he got stabbed and killed.
The fact that we had to wait decades for justice to be served, though, is why I believe statutes of limitations should be done away with when crimes of sexual assault are involved. The effects of sexual assault don't expire when survivors become adults so why should the opportunity to prosecute those crimes expire?
https://www.rainn.org/articles/statutes-limitations-sex-crimes
I know it sounds like boring legal talk, but it comes from my own personal experience. Being molested at age 10 never went away as long as I lived. Getting justice against the perpetrator decades later was really healing and validating. However, justice was served because he got to do it again. The perpetrator shouldn't have had the opportunity to hurt any more kids ever again after he hurt us.
Maybe others here might agree.
I have watched the women who have come forward about this doctor. I think its amazing them coming together and speaking truth.
I agree that there shouldn't be a statute of limitations either.
Make me think about what it would be like for me to have been able to tell someone what my dad was doing to me and be believed. Makes me wonder if he did this others as well.
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When I was a child, my aunt's husband at that time sexually abused me, raped me and gave me to other men so they could sexually abuse and rape me. I now know that it started when I wasn't even one year old, first rape when I was seven, last when I was 16. That's when my aunt got divorced. She and my mom were covering it up, dad kept his eyes tight shut as always, my own mind split reality in two in order to survive. My memories started flooding back when I was 21, I'm 37 now and new memories still come up.
When I was 24 years old my perp was about to become a grandfather and my aunt earnestly suggested that, since he wasn't working he could babysit the child. Seriously. And yes, she knew what he had done: She caught him raping me in their marriage bed when I was 10. In panic and seeing no other way to try to protect that child I went to the police and reported him. Guess what? Yep, the statute of limitations had passed. There was an investigation but no trial. At that time, I could only recall things done to me before I was ten and the statute of limitations was ten years starting from when the crime happened. Which means that, for the things that happened to me when I was a toddler I should have charged him when I was ten. If anybody seriously believes this would have been possible in any way, he's got no clue what he's talking about.
Luckily, laws have changed and in my country, there is no statute of limitations for sexual child abuse now. I doesn't affect my case, but I hope others get justice and above all, that these perverts (pardon my language) get shut away for good and can't do any more damage. They've done too much already.
Hugs, muji, you're still my hero.
Our souls bear witness to something different, to how just as love is forever, so is the perversion of love in sexual abuse and its cover up. I'm glad the laws have changed and there is no longer that statute of limitations now for child abuse and that others can get justice. I'm sorry, though, that it doesn't count you in. Feel welcome to vent about that as often as you need to, my friend.