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Hi, I am new on here. I've kinda been feeling desperate at this point. I have been dealing with some heavy grief & anxiety. The anxiety outweighs the depression, but it is still there. Last September I lost my dad suddenly to suicide. We were best friends. I miss you so very much everyday. When it first happened I was coping ok, but the last 2 months it feels like a train hit me. A heavyyyy load of depression came on, & I was ready to give up. I am now seeing a Thearpist once a week, but anxiety has been so bad. I constantly feel "on edge", or like something is going to happen. I hate this feeling so so bad. My biggest fear is that i will be like this forever. I feel so lost. I just have a hard time seeing the light at this point. His anniversary is in a week, and I'm just waiting for the day that I lose it again. Please help. If anyone has any input or pointers I would love so much to hear it. Thanks much. & I send you all positivity & love.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Anniversary's can be really tough... My husband who I'd been separated from for a few years committed suicide in late 2018
If you can I would also try and find a peer support group... People that 'get it' can be helpful and supportive
This is a good place to come.... I'm glad that you've found us.... xo
That kind of left me wishing I'd done a better job talking to him in that last chat, although I have no proof it would have made any difference. His mother and his sister asked me to be a pall bearer in his funeral. Man, that casket felt heavy on my shoulder, let me tell you.
It was years ago now, but I still miss Mike. He was a brilliant musician who had a bachelor's degree in music. He played in lots of bands around my town and always invited me to the musicians' afterparties in their homes where they'd gather after the bars closed and they were done with their gigs. When it was time to go home from an afterparty at one of those homes around dawn, every time Mike would close the party out by singing the Bob Dylan song "One More Cup of Coffee For The Road."
I still listen to that song on my iPod and pretend it's him singing it. Like I said, I really miss Mike. He was my best friend.
To be honest, lostOneog, the grief never goes away, but neither does the love. I like it that I can remember Mike here. Folks get it. When your loss anniversary comes up, we will, too. You can share it all here, the good and the bad. This is a safe place.
I suspect that your anxiety is intensifying as the 1-year anniversary approaches, as it's dredging up all the emotions that you've been dealing with over the past year. The grief experts say that the first year is the hardest. Grief is very real, and it has 5 steps (Google the 5 steps of grief), and everyone processes grief in their own way. Don't let anyone tell you to get over it, move on, or any other unhelpful comments. You have to grieve in a way that allows you to heal, not stuff it down, not mask it with drugs/alcohol/reckless behavior, not let it take over your entire life. You will heal, but the scar will always be there. Life is like that, but we do survive, even thrive.
Something you could do on the anniversary date, which would honor your dad and would've made him proud:
Do something that the two of you did together, sit at that place and write him a long letter, telling him all the things you loved about your relationship, all the things you miss. Really pour out your heart to him. If you cry in public, so what...if people knew what was going on, they'd hug you. If you have photos of the two of you, pore over them and relish the memories. Thank God that you had a wonderful dad.
(I say that last sentence because I had a horrible father who sexually abused me. I'd prefer your situation. Whenever I hear of anyone who had a wonderful father, I feel a bit envious. So you really had a huge blessing in him.)
Let yourself feel all your emotions. Anxiety is unpleasant, but if you sit with it, really feel it, you'll find that it doesn't have to control you. You can call it what it is and accept it as a normal part of living through something tragic. If you are severely struggling, a short-term dose of anti-anxiety meds can help you through. But the goal isn't to become dependent on them, as the goal is healing, not just relief from the feeling.
I highly recommend that you find a grief support group, especially one that deals with suicide. Grief support groups can be found at hospitals, hospice organizations, mortuaries, and churches. Or go to griefshare.org to find a group near you; they also send daily encouraging emails.
And someday down the road, when you feel quite healed, you can become someone else's shoulder to cry on when they go through it, because no one can understand what it's like unless they've gone through it. You can become such a strong encouragement to others. I wish you all the comfort, hope, healing, and great outlook for your future. God bless.