Got a camp chair ready for you at my camp site, TM. Don't mind the hoverflies. They are hard to get used to, at first, but they only tickle a little when you let them walk on you.

As a little girl watching adults go through their 50's style moral outrage at what I was telling them, I am 100 proof, just-a-patient certain that dealing with their moral outrage was even harder than the abuse. Even more so for my brothers.

Hope you can leave the moral outrage here in the forest and remember it is about the hurt in those little eyes. Crying with them might be the more appropriate response in my just-a-patient mind.

Bless you for caring. It is hard, hard work.

that is exactly what i thought as i was reading your post, tm, that crying with her seemed the most compassionate and appropriate response.

i'm not a therapist. if i were your 9 yr old patient right then and you felt empathy enough to cry with me? that would have meant a great deal to me. you would have validated me in ways words could not.

gentle hugs for caring for the little ones

I think that it was completely normal and even preferable for you to cry a little in front of the kids. Maybe not full-on bawling, but when a child cries in front of an adult, they feel absolutely awful and ashamed. Having an adult who cries with them a little from empathy validates their feelings and experiences.

Burnout or adopting a negative view of the world is very common in therapists and counselors. It's hard to see so much pain and trauma day in and day out while creating a safe "holding" space. I agree with you that the world can be a dark, horrible place. I myself am a rape survivor--I was raped twice in college.

Having an empathetic therapist makes all the difference. Genuine empathy is probably among the best ways that you can help them. I have a therapist who's very empathetic, and showed me what the appropriate emotional response to the traumatic events should have been. I was completely clueless and numb for three years after my two assaults, and only in therapy, after seeing my therapist's sad and concerned expression, did I realize that I'd been through something awful and needed to grieve.

You are absolutely doing the right thing by helping them focus on resiliency and reassuring them that what happened was in no way their fault. And no, they should not have to forgive their abusers. Maybe some play therapy or art therapy would help them, since kids can have a hard time talking about traumatic experiences.

You sound very distressed and overwhelmed, and rightly so. Are you taking care of yourself after dealing with these horrific cases of abuse? Are you able to talk to coworkers or your supervisor if you get overwhelmed? Do you have good social support in family, friends, romantic partners, etc.?

Arfie, that camp chair sounds great, hoverflies and all! :) We usually spend a great deal of time outside as a family and camping is one of my favorite recharge activities. As for those tears, I am so glad to hear support for showing genuine emotion (not ugly crying) seems like a good idea. I haven't addressed that directly with my supervisor yet but we have talked about the abuse cases and some of my feelings. During my training many years ago now, I worked with a few who seemed to think that being to responsive to a client would not be helpful to them. It was not a good fit for me at the time.
minirini, you are right I am distressed and overwhelmed at the moment. I have a lot on my plate with two small children, getting back into counseling work, taking a couple of online classes to make my degree match the criteria for my state's licensure board, working a second very part-time job as I leave that employer, and overseeing much of the household. I do have a great spouse who is supportive, although not the best with empathy. I have a good supervisor, and I do make use of our conversations. I also have some good coworkers who are always happy to debrief. Plus, sometimes I have a great uplifting moment with a client. One of those moments happened today when two little girls I hadn't seen in a few weeks were so happy to see me. I could use to improve my self-care but at present there is a lot to juggle so it doesn't always get on the priority list. I should work on that.

You say that you oversee much of the household. Is it possible to ask your husband to take over a few tasks for you so that you're not overwhelmed as much? I don't know if you can do much about the online classes or the part-time job, but maybe you can do something about the housework.

i don't know how i missed this post. i'm an old man. i don't know if i was ever abused because i just don't know. what i can tell you is that when my sister was about 7 my grandfather began requiring sex acts from her. this lasted through her teens and somehow she was trying to find the courage to make it stop, when the old man died. but this is an extremely complicated story and i can't tell the whole thing or much right now. some how i was drawn into this diseased life. what happened is that i never knew i was living abnormally. i had thoughts i never understood from 2 thru 12. then at thirteen and on, i did not understand that the self harm i began doing was not the way a child usually grows up. the best and only advice given to me was from an older brother who said that if i didn't like doing it, i should stop. of course i didnt stop and i lived a life of self harm through 62 when a self inflicted injury put me in the hospital. now i try over and over to see a healing place i may be in, but i think there is no healing. i think the professionals i see wish there was and try to create one, but it isn't for me. hopefully it exists for those young girls you mentioned and there must be boys as well. as for forgiveness i do and i want revenge as well. my grandfather cried to make my sister "take care of him". how twisted. but a twisted man must have been hurt the same way early on. how can you not forgive a child whose fault it was not? so if i one day discover that his actions did indeed have a direct effect on me and my self harming ways, and i realize and know that it is his fault, i still forgive him and then i'd likely punch him with considerable force in the nose, for starters. i know he did not want to change his ways. but perhaps he thought he had a right to it because he was twisted and likely never learned the correct way of thinking - same as me. i self harm daily. this isnt all cutting but harm is harm and it hurts and it solves nothing and it leaves you so empty and unknown. my grandfather was not the only perpetrator. my mother must have been a victim too, yet as i see it, she gave my sister to him. and my father was no innocent as well. if a person can't forgive, i fully understand it. if they can, i hope they do. but forgiving does not mark the conclusion of healing. nor does it begin the healing. and as i said, for me i want to hit as much as forgive and as for healing myself, i just can't find it anywhere. does that mean i'm wrong about forgiveness? or revenge? i doubt it but i dont know. i just think that now the emphasis should be on our society showing true compassion. on searching for more answers and solutions. on creating a society with out war and terrorism. all involved in that are suffering too. and most of all, talk to the injured and learn what we dont' yet know. i don't think there is any sufficient mental healthcare that addresses the issues that the abused and neglected face correctly or completely and as a result people are not getting the treatment and opportunities they need in order ot heal. there's so much more to say.