Not to that degree, but in my Holistic stress management class, yes I gave a whole dialog when the subject came up. But they had also seen me melt down twice by then.

In the past, I have spoke in public and been in the paper on behalf of survivors of sexual/physical abuse. I got good response from some, while others avoided me like the plague. I even lost a good friendship since his wife believed that myth that once abused, surely I must be an abuser also. That hurt, but my sister caused the worse damage. She caught wind of what I was doing and called me basically saying shut up and that she do everything in her power to keep this from mom, since she felt mom had everything nicely buried. That one sent me into a 2 plus year deep depression, contributing to losing my farm. Now that mom's gone, I'm working on getting back out there to raise awareness. If sis pulls her shit this time, I'll shit right back.

I like your "venue" better muji. When I spoke it's mostly other survivors, social/psychology, workers and cops in the audience. I want to reach the general public more to bring better awareness.

I'm not a religious person, just simply a spiritual one. I have a lot of respect for that Jesus and often wonder if he had PTSD from dealing with all that suffering he had around him. After all he was always turning water into wine, why not simply juice or tea. Was that his way of coping?

Keep using your gift, your voice and continue to bridge that gap and help the masses to understand. Understanding, replaces peoples misconceptions allowing compassion to begin to grow. With compassion many will want to do more to help put an end, to the many issues that cause these icy talons to tatter our souls.

Your "wings" may be tattered and torn my friend, yet you still soar nicely with them! :)

"called me basically saying shut up and that she do everything in her power to keep this from mom"

...Or anybody"
That right there is the crux of most of my PTSD problems. The abuse was bad, but being told to shut up or being forcibly silenced caused even more damage.

I'm still angry over that, but more with myself. I know someday I'll share my frustration with her, but in a kind and gentle way since she's also a survivor and there's no need for me to "vengeful".
I'm just angry since I was "trained"by dad to expect attacks from where I least expect them. I've stood up against heavily armed police in native standoffs, unskathed, yet a few words from my sis sent me into a downward spiral that truthfully, i'm still crawling out of. The word "pathetic" comes to mind.
Perhaps that 'heightened alertness" I need to stay in. At least when I expect the worse, it doesn't hurt as bad if the worst does happen. Still would be nice to lay down the 'sword" and "shield" though...

"The abuse was bad, but being told to shut up or being forcibly silenced caused even more damage"

I might cry.....

Don't David, they were wrong not us.

David I walk with a cane now, but what couldn't be taken was my mind or my creativity. That is my strength and well developed armor. I am silent no more, they dare not ask , for the answer they will receive. So It is now just me or nothing for them. I am so much stronger than they ever were.

For my friends they see my art as my heart playing out the healing going on. I changed settings when the troll patrol was on the loose, but I think for those new here and others it might be good to see. So for the next few days I will open the page. Remember these are forms of art therapy I use to face and gather strength from. There is so much more but DS has a MP limit that I have to reduce the work to. If it effects the art too much I don't do it.

NO, I haven't gotten that far. I was telling people in the beginning and I felt like I needed it. I also felt like like a little kids and they had to explain everything to me. Especially doctors and so I stopped. I think people need a better understanding of this. I am not ready to share everything yet. I feel like it will make me feel more on edge that everyone know and would judge me. Certain people do know and I am fine with that.

Nah, Jewells ... I might cry because of this part:

"but being told to shut up or being forcibly silenced caused even more damage"

I'm still under this court-imposed Gag Order, and can't talk publicly about what happened to me.

It's a daily RE-victimization ... kind of exactly what you said :-(

I can understand sugarbear. But last year when my internet was about to be shut down I went into serious bootcamp mode, gathering all info and helps I could to hold me while I was cyberless. In the months since I have had to work hard, because all my fall back people followed John to heaven. The friends here do not judge for the most part if they knew the depth of what I have been through. Even still I wouldn't ever compare anyone's journey here because that rationalization is how some like me got here. My stuff started early at two-ish, so I never learned regular/normal coping skills. I was too busy on the watchout.
My heart still races when I confront the hurts but I can only overcome them by confronting them. Here has been safe now for 13 months, so I do have that. Also some very good friends that can read me well. To be honest I quit joining groups that i found triggers in. I also adopted a belief that I am my best weapon on healing.

I am getting there, so much farther now than a year ago. Thanks to those here and the courage I use to do what I am now doing on the outside world. Everyone's pace is there own though, but when your ready you will be able to .

Well when I first came to DS I voiced an idea about a movie done by people like us. I should have been more specific, because I got slammed. I meant more of a documentary style movie. You know like a day in the life of PTSD. But since the royal slamming I backed off. Another time I met a guy here that was involved with a pastor who was putting together something and was going to be involved in a televised event, but he dissed us. Still not sure what happened there.

Thanks for your support and sharing your experiences, everybody. I'm not an expert nor a spokesman for PTSD. It's just that I got burned by being in the closet with it. When I had a crisis and came out about my PTSD at work in 2011, I got laid off for "budget reasons" and my fiancee left me. It nearly drove me to suicide.

So when I moved to my area and took on a new job, I went public from day one with my PTSD as an attempt at a different survival approach. I'm not recommending it. I'm just saying the other one didn't work, so I'm trying this one.

So I've been getting these invitations to speak at churches. I have another in May and another in June.

By the way, the WORST person who's tried to silence me was my sister, too!!!!!!!! In 2011 she nearly killed me with a 14 page fax she sent my psychiatrist claiming I was a liar about all my abuse. She wanted him to shut me up and put me away.

Of course, the fax violated laws about doctors and patients' relationships, and proved my family is insane and insanely abusive. There's concrete proof of their abuse and the other abuse I suffered in sexual assault an in combat. So just trying to discredit and silence me wouldn't have covered up the truth anyway. But they are insanely hostile to my speaking up, which is all the more reason I accept these speaking engagements. One at a time, of course. If they do me harm, I'll turn down the invitations. But for now, for me its looking like it's better for me to speak than to be silent right now.

It's different for each of us, and even for us as individuals it depends on how we're doing at the time. I just thought I'd ask how it was with you all. So thanks for letting me know.

I wish I could here you speak. I love God, not people, that kind of puts a hamper on going to church. It does not help that my youngest was molest about four years ago at our old church.

I am new to this forum, but loved what you wrote. Each small step builds upon the one before and I believe the day will come when this will no longer even be an issue. It is just a natural part of the journey towards healing.
I have finally returned to grad school to become a licensed professional counselor and I used to agonize about the professional stigma associated with my ptsd and how it could affect my ability to find fieldwork, etc. Now, I finally wear it out on my sleeve, because this is the work I want to do...and if I let my fear of stigma hold me back, then how can I help my clients? This thought continues to empower me and propels me forward.

Great job!! Be very gentle with yourself when you feel that fatigue afterward, but keep up the good work!

Reading your responses only confirms to me that I should not openly talk about PTSD.
it is viewed by others like the plague. Being stigmatized for being a victim is enough, I do not need additional stigmatization from fake people for having PTSD too.

I wish I could disagree with you pampassgrass. However if we keep things to ourselves no one heals. Not us and not anyone who unknowingly is like us. We keep quiet and everyone is a stranger in a strange land. We all know there are times when we need a helping hand. I live in a Motel and a neighbor has PTSD from Saudi, and Iraq. If he would have acted like me and shy away from people, we both would miss valuable support. Just food for thought.