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General Discussion: Envy & Jealousy

arfie
arfie

Envy = the desire to possess


Jealousy = the fear of loss


Both are blinding emotions. When I am in the grips of either one, I am navigating dense, emotional fogs that make it hard to see my hand in front of my face. Still. . . The more I berate myself for feeling either one, the more often and intensely the feelings will overtake me. I manage both feelings by riding out the initial wave and taking an analytical look during a calmer moment. Each time I take this approach, I find a kernel of substance within the fog of emotion.


Envy has been my psycho-bad girl in recent go-rounds. My old life has become painfully dysfunctional. What worked when I was a mother is wreaking havoc in my life as a grandmother. My life feels empty and without sustainable purpose. I need something to fill the voids in my life. My envy has been of people with full, busy lives, stress aches and all. Well. . . Under the influence of envy, I can't see the stress aches. My envy flourishes wildly on how perfect a full, busy life is.


Open discussion. Anything goes.

extraterrestrialone
extraterrestrialone
arfie, hi, the first thought that comes to my mind is that someone viewing your life, may be feeling that same envie. that your life is so full and theirs so empty. that would be the grass is always greener syndrome maybe. it is just a thought. but you do write so prolifically that you must have a very active mind and that quality often, at the very least, gives the impression of a flourishing life if not actually being a flourishing life. it does strike me that way anyway. maybe you do have a flourishing life. maybe it is difficult for you to recognize it sometimes or maybe things obscure it. these are just my thoughts. i really hope i haven't said anything hurtful. i hope the "anything" that "goes", is ok.
patti22
patti22
Unless someone has had issues with their kids...they just "don't know". They just don't. For two years years spoke up when I knew that there was something wrong, often fighting against people who didn't see it. Then a few saw it. Then it exploded and I ate anxiety wondering if my son would ever have a friend, ever live on his own, ever...well it was pretty bad. Then he looked okay again, enough that when he got into trouble, I ...me...his mother was blamed for not teaching him how to behave.

Blah, blah, blah.

I have the comfort now of speaking to this all being in the past, but I remember all too well what it was like.

The only time I ever wished HATE on anyone, was a fellow parent that spoke passive aggressively about how "proud they were of how their son was developing". (The boys are actually slight friends now...but damn, it was a cruel, cruel comment meant to hurt me, that did hurt me.)

That year I didn't just feel but was a "failure as a parent". Jealous, envy, you name it. Why me? Why me who had always been so kind to people? Why me? There is no pain like that of a parent. I'd have rather had my kid die of cancer.

Kids aren't born with crystal balls telling you what's dysfunctional and what's not. If I had answers I'd give them to you, but I don't. Just know that you have my COMPLETE support.

Heartfelt hugs, Patti