Sean:

You've shown great strength and courage in the midst of many traumas. Give yourself some credit!!!!

Love and Hugs
Clair

You're still a free spirit...

Respectfully Seran stop judging and being so hard on yourself. With PTSD that spirit is just suppressed by the trauma thoiughts and fears.

Your free spirit is still there.

Spend time searching for that spirit rather than have thoughts missingh them. Take stock and find a way back to that free spirit.

You can be that again.

Nice typing.

Sean, I too am working to find 'me' again. It's hard but working with counselors and all, I'm on the road to recovery. It may not be tomorrow or the next day, but I'm on my way.
Think positive. Keep the negative at a distance. The negative can pull you deeper into the problem instead of setting you free from it.
Good luck to you!

I do not think you find you again. Things will never be like they were again. I spent time looking and trying to be me again. It took a while but I discovered that I had so much time here and better not waste it looking for something in the past.

Accepting who you think you are now is important. Maybe it is better trying to improve and heal you than look for the old confident person.

You do not have to stay drained or not be a free spirit. Things change and nothing is permanent especially life. Your free spirit is still there and has not changed or been damaged.

A Zen saying goes, " Those who have great capacity can believe and they can enjoy. And those who have small capacity can not believe it. Those with small capacity say No I am no good.

You can heal. It helps if you believe it is possible.