"Shoulds" are tricky things.

Who's to say what one should feel in any particular circumstance. We just feel what we feel. Perhaps just start there and work your way through it.

***

It's a human survival adaption to blame ourselves for everything that happens. Because if we can find something that WE did wrong...then WE can fix it. (I didn't turn the water off...so next time...turn the water off.)

All fine and good. But if someone has power over you...then they are the ones responsible.

***

So if a couple are fighting over a puppy because the puppy peed on the floor (as ALL puppies do) then is the fact that person A stabbed person B...the puppy's fault? After all...the puppy's the one that "started it". If they hadn't have peed...then the fight wouldn't have happened?

Hopefully, at this point, you're saying...oh a puppy can't make a person A stab person B.

But what if it's not a puppy...what if it's a 2 year old child? What if the child is 10? What if they didn't do their homework?

Is ANYTHING an excuse for stabbing someone?

Is ANYTHING an excuse for ANY bad behavior choice?

Or are adults....responsible for their behavior??? (bingo!!!)

***

Yeah, my kids were distracting me, and backing up the car...I took the side view window off (true....hangs head in shame...but true)

Yeah, the kids were told to be quiet.

But FULL STOP...I am the adult. I am the driver. It's 100% my responsibility. ALWAYS FOREVER AND ALWAYS.

I hear you Thor...…. I have been told what I should feel or that being stuck in the guilt phase does me no good and I understand that on an intellectual level but I can't seem to get rid of it

I think that's why it's so important to stick with the therapy.... It works over time..... Eventually you'll be able to see things differently … Right now you're unwell however your therapist is going to continue to do her job and you just have to show up and continue to do this difficult work with her

When I was first diagnosed bipolar I was in a cognitive group for over a year and I really enjoyed it however it was well into the year before I had my first a ha moment and things truly started to come together for me

I've not had trauma therapy however I sure wish I could … I know that it's difficult however I also know that this is how people heal to an extent and find ways to work through the trauma.... Take away it's power

Gentle hug.... This takes courage......xo

I noticed you used the words "grief" and "grieving" here, and I can relate.

I teach 3 grief courses in psychology every semester for my community college job because I was a hospital chaplain for 10 years. It's my job.

While it's been for my job, though, I've realized it's been for me, too. It's not something I talk about out loud as I'm teaching about grief. Still, came to realize I carried a lot of grief for a long time for what happened to me for years on end as a kid. As I taught those classes from then on, they were a parallel course to my private individual therapy toward my lifelong healing as an adult.

I'm with you in your grieving, Thor, forever I really am.

Thor, the stuck points are what get us back into therapy. We each find our way forward. Unfortunately, this takes time. We learn the difference between guilt and shame. We have to let the grief process run it's course. You are keeping your anger directed at yourself. (Anger has many forms.) At some point you will realize that you have served your sentence. You will build a foundation from the wreckage. We will be with you on your journey. Comforting hugs.

Thanks everyone. I can't really see my way out but I will keep going to the TDoc, and hopefully from the wreckage I can build something.