I miscarried at 15 weeks when I was 18.
Since then, I've had nightmares some nights after a long stressful day, especially if I've seen babies a lot throughout the day.
Most of the time my nightmares are of similar themes. Either I lose my infant in a crowded store or at a beach or even if I am pregnant and go to the doctor and there is actually no baby, just an empty womb.
The other night I had a nightmare unlike any other I've had since. I'm now 21 almost 22 and in the 3 or so years since my miscarriage, I have never had such a gory and detailed recollection of my actual miscarriage. I could feel the pain, both emotional as well as physical, and I am struggling to overcome the urge to sleep with someone again in hopes of getting pregnant. I am not usually sexually attracted to men but when I feel this desperate to become a mother I am willing to do whatever it takes.
And that scares me because I am not financially ready to be a mom but I feel like I was stripped of my chance and I'm afraid there is something physically wrong with me and that I might not ever be able to have a child.
In virtually the same room someone talks to someone else as if you’re not able to hear, “why does she? I wish she’d? She didn’t...” and the answers are very reasonable “I thought...but you said....because....”Clearly we both failed at communicating and since I don’t read minds I didn’t know she was upset until instead of opening up a dialogue this is what happened. And I froze....
Hey, everyone, new, old, and in between... Lurkers and posters alike...So.... I swore I'd stay on the board more.Then my hubby got a medical glitch (or was it two or three?) and my thearpist cancelled therapy for a *month* and I think my brain is undercooked tapioca. Just this gooey blob of nothing in particular. Sleep is for other people. Needing to understand how my mom's brain tumor scraps are...