I miscarried at 15 weeks when I was 18.
Since then, I've had nightmares some nights after a long stressful day, especially if I've seen babies a lot throughout the day.
Most of the time my nightmares are of similar themes. Either I lose my infant in a crowded store or at a beach or even if I am pregnant and go to the doctor and there is actually no baby, just an empty womb.
The other night I had a nightmare unlike any other I've had since. I'm now 21 almost 22 and in the 3 or so years since my miscarriage, I have never had such a gory and detailed recollection of my actual miscarriage. I could feel the pain, both emotional as well as physical, and I am struggling to overcome the urge to sleep with someone again in hopes of getting pregnant. I am not usually sexually attracted to men but when I feel this desperate to become a mother I am willing to do whatever it takes.
And that scares me because I am not financially ready to be a mom but I feel like I was stripped of my chance and I'm afraid there is something physically wrong with me and that I might not ever be able to have a child.
I have no idea if I have PTSD.I had two narcissistic parents growing up .They divorced when I was young and my mother remarried for 4 years I lived in fear of him.When my mother divorced she had no money and got in a lodger to help with rent . When she was out working he would often chuck my head down the toilet and flush it and then rubbed my head with a towel and chuck me into the cold garden...
I'm 21 and just coming out of an extremely physically and mentally abusive relationship. I've also battled drug and alcohol addiction for the past 3 years. This past winter I got my certification for personal training and have so many dreams and opportunities with my career but I've fallen into a depression that I haven't felt in a long time. I miss my abuser. I have no friends and I feel so...