What was the trigger?

my gf went through something a while ago and she also is kind of interested in stories about kidnapping and rape and stuff, she finds it interesting. anyways I had got her to stop reading the rape stories because they freaked her out, but this was the first time she brought those up after I started remembering about some things that happened to me as a child. When she mentioned about wanting to read more of those I started freaking out and panicking and shaking and feeling sick to my stomach. I made her change the subject and i was fine about an hour later, but i keep thinking back to that and well. I'm panicking now

Breath, calm slowly counting. You sound like your emerging memories are triggers, something not fully dealt with. Or worse..hidden or disbelieved. Brains have a way of hiding things too painful to deal with.
If you have told her, that this is having an effect on you , yet she persists, I can tell you not having your feelings validated could eventually drive a wedge between you two. If the shoes were on her feet, she would freak (trigger) too if you still chose to do things that triggered her.

If you don't yet have all the pieces as to why, some neutral talking may help... as in counseling. I know guys have an ego thing there. But they're are many here that can tell you sometimes it's the only way to learn the tools to help. It can only help if these are emerging now. So you can be in the moment of daily living. Which is definitely preferable to being locked inside your head in anguish.

When I felt like you describe I had someone remind me that the past lives inside of us - we don't live in the past.

It seems like maybe you need some help communicating to your gf what you are going through?

I'm not sure I could have handled having my bf around when I was going through stuff. Luckily for us he was working out of town.

Were you around while she was going through her stuff? I'll bet she might understand quite a bit. Maybe you could say:

"Hey, remember when you were going through stuff? I think I'm going through something now."

Also, it helps to just say "I'm confused about my feelings" when you are.

I've been really re-discovering the tips from therapist Peter Walker lately. He's a PTSD therapist who specializes in helping with flashbacks, which it seems you had having been triggered.

I found out about Peter Walker here on this site. I just recommended his website to someone else here, so I might as well do it again. It's at this link:

http://www.pete-walker.com/

His tips have been a real help to me when I'm triggered.

She didnt purposly trigger me. neither of us knew that was a trigger for me till last night. As for the memories they arent resent I relived them first in 5th grade but buried them again till now. After my gf ( we werent actually dating at the time we were just friends) went through an intense sexual harassing online, i had started to remember about that. It wasnt till around several months later around june that I had remembered enough for it to actually be present and I told her about it. As for the counseler I tried it once, but I have already reached a point of acceptance so there wasnt much for me to do there. Right now i'm at a point where I'm waiting for my memories to return. And i had finally calmed down after about an hour. I just hope I can keep it together enough for classes tomorrow.

Just know there is usually support out there if you need it. Most schools have a counselor on staff to talk to - hopefully a good one! Do you have a doctor?

A coucilor can teach you new calming methods too. So you will have those tools to help. You can also find some online. Muji is right about the Walker guy, he may help both of you understand the why's o how these effect thing effect you.

Then of course there is us...The lowly PTSD group( tongue in cheek). We are constantly supporting each other with posts and comments...even friendships of understanding people.
Come here as often as you need, we do a lot for ourselves and others here.
Also I use my journal available to face and sort the ideas or memories. A visual way of addressing the trauma's.

Well my college has free counseling sessions, so I went to one but we both kind of agreed that I didnt really have a need to be there. Also my dad is a doctor. He's not my doctor his partner is but still I know him pretty well so it would be weird to talk to him about it. The trigger is a new thing. I'm guessing that its partly due to the increased workload and stress that I have with college as well as the reemerging memories.

I would like to clarafy that my dad is family practice docter not a counseler. The counseler was someone here

the brain doesnt finish fully developing till one's about 21. and the reason me and the counseler decided I didnt really have much of a need to be there is because I've already worked through all the greif stages to acceptance. I've accepted all thats happened to me. Now i just have to deal with the memories and feelings as they surface. Also i'm wondering how everyone else feels during their anxiety attacks. For me I get sick to my stomach I feel slightly anxious and start tensing up, especially my hands. Its actually making it really hard to type right now.

Emotionally for males it is closer to 28- 30.
That is why auto insurance is higher for males until 25.
But starting now is good for your growth.

"Also i'm wondering how everyone else feels during their anxiety attacks. For me I get sick to my stomach I feel slightly anxious and start tensing up, especially my hands. Its actually making it really hard to type right now. "

For me these also hold true. But also as my blood pressure rises I get light headed, feeling faint. Which can be dangerous in many activities. But also because of injuries it is already challenging to keeping my balance.
I always ha cold water with me for grounding, stopping the attack in early stages....so I don't fall.

If you told the counselor at school what you've said here, it seems odd to me that the two of you would conclude that you didn't belong in counseling. After you reported that here, you subsequently still mentioned recurring memories of a traumatic experience.

Wouldn't that be worthy of at least one more counseling conversation? Maybe not , but since you said those two things here in that order, I thought I'd hold them up to you and display them to you side by side just to seek clarification.

Well with the counselor I wasn't having the panic attacks yet. I was just wanting to remember what happened. It was hard enough to go there the first time, but now even if I wanted to I simply dont have the time to. with 17 credit hours of college courses and a girlfriend I barely have time to do the things I want to do.