Yes I can...and I know that most of the time, I feel that almost every single day and for others it stinks but for me it's a harsh reality...
Next, if I have tried to end it all, yes I have and where did I land up going...in and out of hospitals...losing time at work...leaving friends...leaving family...leaving everything...behind...there is no respite...sometimes it's so bad that I can cry for hrs and not get anywhere...there is no place to go...but deep down within myself and try and make sense of it all....
U are not crazy...to any reasonable mind like ours, it's not crazy, it is a harsh reality, a truth we can't deny and a truth we have to face and a truth that will stay with us even after we are gone...
There is no escape..sorry u are feeling this way...have been there, done that...it's not easy...it's not going to be easy...
I wish I cld have said something unique and something special...but these are my words and these are my facts...

I took care of my dad for years when he was in a wheelchair and suffering from dementia. After he died, all that stress started coming out of me and I felt like my purpose in life was gone.

I came close to killing myself then, but since then I've developed a life of sorts in my retirement...I do a lot of gardening and yard work on the property he left me. Gradually the will to live has returned, but not altogether.

I think we need to feel some purpose in living, and have something to do with our time that captures our interest. I think that matters more than all the self-help nonsense where you "think positive thoughts".

Suicidal thoughts come from our feelings deep within us. To stop them, we need to fix what's wrong inside...logical thought is irrelevant when it comes to our feelings.

I felt that way when my girls left home. I didn't even realize that I had pushed through the depression for them. When they were on their own, I had no purpose left and just didn't want to be here anymore. but like RichieD said, slowly I began to find reasons to live and a purpose. I prayed and asked God to help me. It wasn't overnight, but now after two years, I am soooo much better, and am thankful that I am here. You can do what you want...that is the beauty of it...you don't have to leave this earth to do that. In fact you won't have choices anymore if you do that. You can change, and you can find purpose again. I don't believe you have a right to take your own life anymore than you have the right to take someone else's life. The truth is you are not alone even though it feels like you are. We are surrounded by a cloud of witnessess watching our every move. Some are for us and some are against us. The good news is there are more for us than there is against us. It's all in our perception. You are so valuable Jessica. You are so loved, not for what you do, but for who and what you are. You are a beautiful creation that is so valuable. I am praying for you and believe you will begin to feel a lightness soon.
Love you,
Debra

I actually attempted suicide once, I took all of my prescription medicine, but luckily for me I had them mixed up and the fact I regretted it and within minutes of taking them forced myself to throw up, I survived.

Ever since I have only briefly had thoughts like that, but I quickly dismiss it remembering that moment in my life. Even with the feeling down I have lately, I no longer desire to just end it. So for me it took almost doing it to realize how much life is important. I don't recommend that, but I hope you realize the gift you have in having your life and who knows what opportunity awaits you just around the corner for love, life, and happiness!

Here's to your life, and the hope we all find the healing and happiness we deserve.

I can totally relate. I tried a few times...even now the thoughts of it are quite close at hand. I try not to give into them....instead I end up just slightly hurting myself....cause, the last minute I decide that I'm being selfish.

Or something else tells me it's not the right thing to do...or there's more to live for...or I'm here for a reason. There are lots of reasons why I shouldn't be here....but, I'm here...so, I may as well hang around and see what life throws at me. :)

I think you should too!!! Cause obviously, if you weren't here...life would be boring. Admit it!!! I don't see how you don't have the right to do what you want with your life...everyone does. I just hope that you choose to find out those interesting little balls that life throws our way sometimes. They may be difficult...but, they can be worth it too. :)

I can not thank all of you enough for your insightfulness and encouragement! I wrote a letter saying good bye last night. I took the whole bottle of Ativan 2mg poured them into my hand and paused...I thought of all the chaos I would cause. If you've never felt suicidal you will not understand the struggle to choose to stay alive. Weeping, I put the pills back in the bottle took 2 and cried myself to sleep. I still feel suicidal,but my alters will not allow it. The stronger ones have been taking over my days. It's at night when I take my antipsych med's that I become the real me and were I am at in life. Will this ever end?I am afraid to live.

I'm glad you didn't, and from the sounds of it you might talk to your pdoc about changing your meds some, that may help.

Hugs!

I'm glad you're still with us too. :D

I know that it's tough, and that you may be scared. But there are ways around that fear. I don't know exactly what your fear is...but I do hope you're able to conquer it!!! Take up your bow and arrows and shoot at the fears!!!

The only thing scarier then the unknown...is the imagination we use to think of all the possibilities that the unknown could be filled with. Try not to think of it so much...try to just go out and do something with it!!! Don't be afraid of it...stomp on it!!! You can do it!! I believe in you. :)

Hugs to you all!!! Have a nice day and a safe and Happy New Year!