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feelings as a spiritual experience? - update

arfie
arfie

last week i posted about my depression under this very headline. in the 5 days since i have been rolling with the if i posed at the end of that post, "what if i accept depression as a natural part of the human spirituality?"


i remain mightily confused about what, exactly, is spirituality. leaving that lofty debate to the theologians, i have focused on leaning ever so gently into my depression while i tended the demands of my day. the foster kids are visiting with their maternal family this week. tending my daily demands has been a bit less grueling. my single goal for the week is to do wtf i want when the i want, how i want. it's all about me, wonderful me, it's all about me. me and the stupid, friggin' black cloud over my head.


gently but persistently reminding myself to drop the sarcasm and feel the feelings as a spiritual experience, without judgment, my depression has led me to notice quite a few spots where i can tweak and fine tune to make the current situation more sustainable. spaces where i can drop the hyper-vigilance inspired by the tragedies which united us in trauma in 2019.


 i don't care to present it before a doctoral committee, but methinks i might be onto something. feeling my feelings really is a spiritual experience. the depression lingers, but it's loitering is far from tragic.

Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Are you seeing a pdoc to have it treated sweetie?

I can't go on AD's to to flipping me to hypomania

I did comment on your last post

I'm glad that you're having some time to take care of you.

Depression can be so serious

I would just be really aware and monitor it with your doc and or therapist

Big hug and a blessing...xo
arfie
arfie
yes, suncloud, depression can, indeed, be fatally serious. i don't believe this round has escalated to the need of pro treatment. the tools i graduated to "therapy maintenance" with have been handling them just fine i think. i pray. i monitor for delusional denial. the meanest lies in the world are the ones i tell myself. the therapy supporters who are helping me monitor think so, too. blues happen.

me week is almost over. the munchkins are due back on sunday. sigh. think i'll go sing along with the high priestess of soul.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inNBpizpZkE
JazzyLady
JazzyLady
You stated that you are allowing yourself to feel the feelings. You are not as hyper sensitive to the reality of what brought all of you together. Grief has many stages and it's hard to work through them. But dealing with depression may be the hardest. Speaking for myself it loomed over me like it had it's own entity. The more i thought why, only added to the gigantic weight of it. I was depressed about being depressed. One day I decided to accept it as one of the chapters of my life. To me it was a relief. So my mantra now is - depression is a part of me, it is who I am. Today my depression is manageable. Hope the same for you. In the meantime take advantage of the remainder of your staycay vaycay from the munchkins. Love me some soul, too.
arfie
arfie
i would have to question your "jazzy lady" moniker if you didn't love you some soul. jazz and soul are as intertwined as rock and roll.

"why" and "what if" are two of my psycho nag flags. either one of those lines can get me spiraling down the proverbial rabbit hole. where's that hookah smoking caterpillar? hope he is still burning pharmaceutical grade in that hookah of his.

it is what it is, whether i understand it or knot. why ask why?

on the whole, methinks this depression has been quite manageable. yeah, it's there, but life has aspects worth getting depressed over. onward through the fog. i can still muster enough interest to bend over and be amazed on my nature walks.
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