Hi Jessica-

Sorry to hear things are not going well. Change takes time- as difficult as it is for us to accept. I think we all wish we had a magic wand that could cast a spell and heal all of our heartaches. Try to remember, even the best of people still has rough days now and then. You are not alone and the group is here anytime you need it.

Definitely...am at that point now. I didn't know that it would bring up so much, to share some in therapy. I'm not used to doing so and am just starting to be able to talk about things that happened when I was little that still deeply affect me. I felt that initial relief of getting some out, I felt ok for a while, and then some feelings I cannot even seem to describe took over, and a deeper depression than has been around in a while. I'm getting things done, but emotionally feel like a wreck and that I'm not doing much because of how I feel. Very depressed, lonely, a type of empty feeling that is hard to describe, and maybe it's a hole from what I kept inside and finally let out, and the hole is that dark patch of deep depression and it's a hole that pain is seeping from...it needs to be patched by the rest of the work; talking is only part of it, there is more processing to do, more healing, and maybe that will mend the wounds.

I guess this happens, after holding things in, it can bring up a lot of things to have a breakthrough and share something. My therapist and I spent so long on safety I felt like it was overkill, and yet here I am after starting to process some and have been feeling scared from flashbacks and scared because of my own mindset at times since starting to talk. I do believe it's an initial thing, though, it is one of those things that passes and does get better, but you have to give it time and take care of yourself until that time.

yes, it is one of the most complicated things for me. any therapy work, trauma work, and especially getting to the bottom of something, gaining insight.
It is so hard because i feel horrible afterwords, sometimes i am sick in bed, other times depressed.
i want to work on my trauma, but I have to work, so sometimes i dont even have time for it. It is horrible. I will go to my therapist and i need to talk about my most recent flashback but hold back because I might be sick after. It is a cycle that never ends.