What piece of advice are you looking for, cs?

You are most certainly not alone. It is not an easy place to find peace. Continued support while you find your way out.

Hope healing happens here.

sorry you are having such a hard time :(

please do everything you can to keep yourself safe. is there anyone you can call to help you through the withdrawls?

((((hugs))))

I'm sorry, I should've clarified. I'm looking for advice on how to manage the irritability and depression of not being able to let go of trauma. It literally consumes me whenever I'm clearheaded. Sadly, that's not an overstatement. Thank you both for being kind and empathetic. I'm about to contact one of my good friends.

First of all, sorry for the bashing you received. Dick move.

Addictions and mental illnesses run in my family, so I've never touched alcohol or any drug (also the smell of alcohol triggers me), so I have no idea about the withdrawals. Having them on top of PTSD sounds more than tough though.

I feel you on the physical vs. emotional pain thing. I've got an extremely high pain threshold (courtesy of painkiller resistance caused by genetics and severe migraines), but anything emotional (doesn't even have to be negative) and I go straight into dissociation.

When I get a full-on PTSD attack, distraction is usually my remedy of choice. Keep myself busy until I drop, literally. Not healthy, but it works. Do you have any grounding methods? That doesn't help me for long, but I can calm down and clear my head (I use saying the poem Invictus out loud as a grounding method. Weird, but hey, whatever works.) Music helps me as well, both playing myself (violin) and listening, or I write stories, that way I have a safe outlet for my emotions and it helps me identifying them.

It's good to hear that you'll call some friends, you shouldn't go through this alone. Lots of support your way.

Warm hugs of support while you deal with this.

I surely haven't found a single answer for that one. I have an entire drawer of my psycho-therapy tool box dedicated ". . .to manage the irritability and depression of not being able to let go of trauma." Even so, I all too often don't have the tool I need for the current round.

My peer-support network is probably the most important tool I have for the job. The folks who are here in the psycho-trenches with me are an endless supply of creative approaches. Sometimes the most effective tool is a flesh-and-blood shoulder to cry on, an open ear, or reading eye.

I'm a sexual human trafficking survivor and coped as a teen with alcoholism (legit :"I am going to drink until i can't feel anything" levels of alcoholism). I hated being sober because I was forced to face the fact that I left people behind I wasn't able to help. Some died, some were murdered, and I blamed myself for not saving them.

I don't have a solution for you because therapy (and AA) is what helped me. I found it helped to have people hold me accountable for my actions even when I didn't want them to. I had some good friends who literally never left my side until I got past the shakes. I realize this doesn't work for everyone.

I say all of this to say: you are not alone. While I am not where you are right now, I have been at a similar place in my own life. If you want to talk about it I'm here for you.

There's more than one kind of program to help, not just AA, so can you reach out and find a place that treats *trauma*? Treats PTSD? A lot of times---- in my observations ---- the trauma is the real issue. Keeping calm and stable.... for me that's therapy, more therapy, a couple meds, and a lot of work. So I have few suggestions beyond the usual.

That said? I find happy distractions with aromatherapy oil on a stuffed animal I hug, or I go nuts playing sudoku on the ipad, I play with modeling clay a lot to keep my hands busy, and before I was partially disabled physically (long story).... I took looooong walks. Outwalked the Anxiety Hamsters running laps in my brain, I used to call it. I do really tedious tiny chores (dust shelves, make sure my books are in alphabetical order, wipe out cupboards while singing to musicals tha tmake me cry.... anything that means hands are busy and eyes can cry and I have to remember to *breahte*. Thsu the singing.)

Wish I could heal the anxiety and memories. I spent half of 2013 if not all of it in a mode where my mind was spinning all day, all night, and that was on meds, with therapy twice a week, etc.....

Support as you seek healing.

Argh, I sounded so wrong in my reply above. Apologies. Just know, puma power to you, and healing toy ou.

Leo, I found nothing wrong with your comment. And I love the avatar! Good to know there's some cat lovers on here.
I want to thank all of you again for supporting me and being there. You all have truly been a huge help. Seriously.
It seems like the biggest tool most of you have is distraction. I'm a creative type. I love painting, drawing, hiking, creating music, writing, etc. I think I'm going to start occupying myself with those hobbies again. I forgot how to enjoy any of that. I guess being consistently loaded doesn't help. Hugs to all of you!

cs, that is a rough spot you are in at the moment, hugs

i think stopping right now is not a good plan, of course, i don't think you do either, huh? is your good friend someone who is near enough to come to where you are now? that would be the best of all : )

it was the smartest plan to come here to us, this was a really good plan. there are things you can do to help yourself ahead of time.

do you have bottles of water you can put in the fridge to get good and cold? do that for yourself, then you will have them on hand.

keep an ice cold bottle of water nearby so if you get feeling shaky/panic coming on you can ground yourself in a few ways with it. you can both sip the water - the coldness of it will help you - just the sensation of the cold water in your mouth, but also the water carries oxygen that you need to calm yourself.

you can tell yourself this positive thing while sipping. ANY positive thing you can tell yourself will help you AND you will want to tell your self any positive thing that you can - if you catch yourself thinking a negative or fearful thing - right away - say a positive or safe thing to yourself - outloud if you can :O) it will help.

the cold water also helps by your being able to touch it to your wrists and inside your elbows at your throat- under your chin and the back of your neck, also at your temples, this calms you and cools you at the same time.

good stuff and works.

my most favourite thing right now is a breathing technique - called the 4 - 7 - 8 method

you breathe in your nose to the count of 4

hold your breath to the count of 8

breathe out your mouth to the count of 7

repeat.

i do this to fall asleep and most of the time if i am not upset when i begin, i don't make it to the second set before i fall asleep.

Dr. Weill teaches this, it forces our organs to slow down and our bodies MUST FOLLOW. we have to slow down when we breathe this way - so it WILL help.

so many hugs, you matter, i care

Lilly's got a good point on the breathing:-) (Oh, and when my mom quit booze? She'd drink a cup of ice-cold coffee. Killed her dseire to put anything else near her taste buds< LOL.)

My breathing technique is the "box", or "square". You can lengthen the count as you get more comfortable with it, and like the one Lilly mentioned, it is one that kicks the body into "rest-digest-relax" mode whether our anxiety likes it or not. I just fall into it now, sometimes even do it once an hour during the day when *not* upset. Just to keep my body in that "mode".

The idea is.... Inhale while counting (aloud or silently) In two three four (this is one side of your square)
Hold gently while saying/thinking Hold 2 3 4.
Exhale with Out 2 3 4
Hold 2 3 4...

Repeat.

When I'm calm I can do it on the five count, but when really upset, I have to start at In two three, hold two three.... I can get to four almost right away.

Another good idea is a screamwhile pressing a pillow into your abdomen. (below ribs) That forces all your "used air" out, so "new air" can get in.

I also ground with all five senses: touch, taste, hearing, sight, smell. Grab cold, squirt lemon juice on my tongue, identify what I hear, describe what I see, sniff aromatherapy oil of some kind (I like mint and eucalyptus)....

Continued purring support!

Aromatherapy sounds awesome right now! And I'm actually literally trying out both of your breathing techniques right now. I just finished the last of the bottle, so I actually wrote these down to use tonight. Thank you both. You both have been such a big help!

No advice from me, not that many words today either (some days you can't shut me up).

So I'm just the one sitting in the corner holding your hand. I'm tough. I've been barfed on before, I can take it.

I also know when to bring water, when to bring towels, and when to make tea.