Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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In the early 70s, when I first started therapy, none of my therapists (names, ranks and serial numbers forgotten) liked the name, "White Trash Whore," but none of them had better names for it. Even the most progressive publications were barely unable to process the realities of incest, pedophilia, rape (of either gender), etcetera, etceteri. Several told me, "We are learning from you." Very empowering. . . That empowerment is still with me, despite the proliferation of experts since. That ex spurting is still hitting my senses as professional grade gaslighting. Sorting underway. . .
One just-a-patient theory which keeps popping out of my emotional cauldron is, "Family Estrangement Disorder."
Here in the Americas, from Canada to Argentina, I believe -don't accuse me of ex spurting- that we are all immigrants. Even the indigenous peoples woke up one day and discovered themselves in a foreign country without ever leaving home. I only believe that immigration does not happen without family estrangement. Even here in the 21st century, it is difficult to maintain inter-continental or even inter-cultural bonds.
The therapy I have undergone since the "Therapy Funeral" in 1977 has been intense. My favorite analogy for it is physical amputation therapy. However diseased the limb, the DNA remembers it is supposed to be there. The phantom limb syndrome is part of an amputee's life for the duration. A long and healthy life is very possible with this handicap, but the body craves the missing limb, regardless.
Just unaccredited theory from the diary of a madwoman. Discussion welcome.
One just-a-patient theory which keeps popping out of my emotional cauldron is, "Family Estrangement Disorder."
Here in the Americas, from Canada to Argentina, I believe -don't accuse me of ex spurting- that we are all immigrants. Even the indigenous peoples woke up one day and discovered themselves in a foreign country without ever leaving home. I only believe that immigration does not happen without family estrangement. Even here in the 21st century, it is difficult to maintain inter-continental or even inter-cultural bonds.
The therapy I have undergone since the "Therapy Funeral" in 1977 has been intense. My favorite analogy for it is physical amputation therapy. However diseased the limb, the DNA remembers it is supposed to be there. The phantom limb syndrome is part of an amputee's life for the duration. A long and healthy life is very possible with this handicap, but the body craves the missing limb, regardless.
Just unaccredited theory from the diary of a madwoman. Discussion welcome.
I woke up and discovered I was an alien on my home planet. SO I left it. No wayt o take the home planet with me, so off I went and... it's a nice place from a safe distance, but I don't visit. I wish I could. I can't. Until my dad's siblings are all deader than dead, I won't feel safe, and they're a long-lived bunch, dam* it.
Yeah. We are "meant" to have that limb. We don't. We function fine. But the limb wants our attention, nonexistent as it might be.
I grew up in a colony of Americans living in Mexico (with my father and his wife) but my mother is Mexican so I was not considered or even very well accepted in my fathers circle and his wife for cultural and pathological reasons of course.
I was Baptist in a mostly catholic country. So the Mexican parents of my little friends were not exactly thrilled about me.
My Mexican grandfather was an atheist.
At one point was sent to catholic school being Baptist really bother the nuns....But it was a private school so they accepted the money.
I was the scapegoat in my multicultural "family".
I was not raised with the Mexican culture but I look Spanish so when I was sent to the US....In my high school in Texas they saw me as the new "Mexican girl" at a time Texas was really racist.
But they did not know my father was a WW2 vet and American.
Still I was not welcomed.
I had no bond with my mother ever and after my father molestation I felt nothing ever again for him.
I had no bond with my sisters ever ages are too far apart.
And I was emotionally betrayed by the one closest to me.
I have never fitted or belonged anywhere. I am not American but I am not Mexican either. My family was rich but I lived on the streets sleeping in sidewalks when I was a child and ran away...
Maybe only in NYC I felt like I belonged because its seems no one was any particular anything there.
Did not mean to hi-jacked your post but talking about the pain of "amputation" is human and in fact human are social animals and have the need to belong and interact.
Somehow I was so affected by the lack of that I became like a person that was born blind so it doesn't know what they are missing.
So you are healthy for recognizing it and feeling it.
I feel nothing.
That is the other way around you had to be loved to love.
That self-love is the result of being loved...
True.
...got another hint last night.
Apparently, a crying baby does not make everyone start shaking?