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Emerging Memories - Feeling Fragile

arfie
arfie

When I was released from active therapy early in this millenium, no one believed my memory was fully healed. May never be. Amnesia severe enough to block an entire childhood is no small degree of memory damage. I was and remain prepared for the "Remembrance episodes" to continue for the duration of this life. They are still hard, but. . . I get by with a little help from my peer support network. The therapy exercises I am currently focus on simply staying calm and allowing the whatever to emerge of its own accord.


I believe I might have memories emerging now. I think. I am still not sure how to tell. My vulnerability to the power of suggestion is one of the suspected signs. A random suggestion or misunderstanding can feel like a command from The Big White Guy on the Celestial Throne to bring me back to the fold or a whisper from the most demonic spirit ever conjured by mythology. Random theories can overlay themselves as actual fact.


Again, I am not sure what I am reaching for. Just reaching.

2magicman
2magicman
It maybe helpful to keep a journal at this point. When you get these random thoughts going write them down don't think about it just keep writing. And it is good to keep several pencils on hand all the time. You don't want to stop to sharpen a pencil you will lose your train of thought. It may not all make sense at the time but in time it will and you will have your own resources right there in front of you for you to look back and say AHH! Take your time don't rush thru this process. This is a point of where it counts.

Scott
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
That i big ponder. The need to Please The White God of Darkness (my dad) resurfaces in me with insecurity about my earning power (zero, at the moment), but also when I am scared. Hubby is te fous of the Fawning, and thru therapy with me, haslearned to not take advantage of the situation, usually by eeminding me I need not prove myself worthy of ... whatever it was I ought as a kid. Weird? probably. But I can see how that would associate with emerging memories. i am such a wreck when new ones pop up, I want ot "make up" for it, and relapse to Servant of Angry White God of Darkness. Freaking annoying at best in my case...

Support as you sort, Arfie.
DanceStrong
DanceStrong
Lots of support as you sort arfie. I find it helps to let the thoughts out in a way that actually creates something. It can be a bit less overwhelming that way. I've tried writing, both analyzing the situation, and stream-of-consiousness style. Sometimes with feelings, flashbacks or metaphors I like to draw it. Both these practices help me tease out the details. Sometimes I just think, or talk about my thoughts and see what comes up. However it comes out for you, I'm sending lots of support.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Oh, boy, arfie, emerging memories like that would make me feel fragile, too. To strike a balance between the celestial commands and the demonic whispers sounds like heavy stress. Please enlist us every day as you need us to support you through.
looney1
looney1
I hope you can be an island of calm while these things whirl around outside you arfie. You've been there before and emerged ok so I'm sure you will again.
Doo
Doo
I have little memories of childhood pop up and have to ask myself if they were real or not. I usually need a few connective tissues to accept-confirm the validity, something absolute. Smell, touch or facts, reassurance of someone involved. Sometimes it is hard to set aside until we 'know'. I hope it comes and goes as quickly as you need it to.
arfie
arfie
Yea, those "connective tissues" are the rub. . . Doesn't got 'em. The 1800 mile, barbed-wire detachment from my birth clan means there is no way to confirm or deny any of it. Zero long-term relationships from the era. Doing my honest best with the best information available. . .

Thank you for the calm, guys. O-h-h-h-h-m. . . . .
silverlight
silverlight
Most Dear arfie,so wish i had just an ounce of the kind of wisdom you always have for me,but please know that in this time with things surfacing that i care.sending you much support,peace,and healing.
rubyblue
rubyblue
When old wounds start to show themselves, even fleetingly, it can knock our world into a spin.

Supportive (((hugs))) arfie xxx
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I'm hugging you ... A big hug of calm and support sweetie.....xo
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