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During my time in the foster system, when I was in the children's home, I got constipation, since the food wasn't very good. Their way of treating it was effective but... unpleasant would be an understatement. I'm pretty sure the people who 'took care' of us picked the wrong job, my entire time there was a pretty big can of worms that I won't open right now.
Anyway, constipation is now my second strongest trigger. I know, stupid, weird, embarassing, pathetic and absolutely disgusting. I really make myself want to puke right now. While all my other triggers make me aggressive and defensive, this one makes me feel vulnerable and helpless, so I just spent a good 15 minutes curled up in a corner freaking out. (I do like that corner though, it's nice and dark, in between my bed, a cupboard and two walls, just big enough to fit a curled-up me.)
I hate this. It's stupid and pathetic. Also, my body really disgusts me right now. There's a friend's birthday party later this evening, so I'll be exposed to trigger no. 5 in my ranking, the smell of alcohol. I don't know if I can go, I'm still shaky and a bit freaked out right now.
Hope I didn't gross you out too badly. Thanks for listening.
Anyway, constipation is now my second strongest trigger. I know, stupid, weird, embarassing, pathetic and absolutely disgusting. I really make myself want to puke right now. While all my other triggers make me aggressive and defensive, this one makes me feel vulnerable and helpless, so I just spent a good 15 minutes curled up in a corner freaking out. (I do like that corner though, it's nice and dark, in between my bed, a cupboard and two walls, just big enough to fit a curled-up me.)
I hate this. It's stupid and pathetic. Also, my body really disgusts me right now. There's a friend's birthday party later this evening, so I'll be exposed to trigger no. 5 in my ranking, the smell of alcohol. I don't know if I can go, I'm still shaky and a bit freaked out right now.
Hope I didn't gross you out too badly. Thanks for listening.
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Some things we don't talk about, we breathe them... Some things cannot be explained, but rather experienced. Some of the most healing moments arise when given the memory, acknowledging the love.One cannot go back in time; we move forward, and we carry the love we shared. No one but ourselves has the power to do so, or the permission to do so, but ourselves.So live life with your faith and...
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I've been feeling like I don't matter my wife the other day instead of telling me she was having a pain day when I went to have sex with her she tell me afterwards that she having pain day due to her fribromyalgia and making feel like shit afterward saying she has a list of things from past 9 years of thing for me to do and is always adding more and more to this list and talk...
I understand your angst intimately, Neo. It is an unspeakably gross phenom in our culture and. . . Ouch. The worst part is that the anxiety over mishaps exacerbates the problem on a physical level, making the physical symptoms even worse, which in turn makes the anxiety increasingly warranted.
Vent that anxiety, Neo. It is warranted.
big hugs.
Not much grosses me out, btw. Breathe and go easy on yourself. Self-care. And that does sound like a good corner.