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During my time in the foster system, when I was in the children's home, I got constipation, since the food wasn't very good. Their way of treating it was effective but... unpleasant would be an understatement. I'm pretty sure the people who 'took care' of us picked the wrong job, my entire time there was a pretty big can of worms that I won't open right now.
Anyway, constipation is now my second strongest trigger. I know, stupid, weird, embarassing, pathetic and absolutely disgusting. I really make myself want to puke right now. While all my other triggers make me aggressive and defensive, this one makes me feel vulnerable and helpless, so I just spent a good 15 minutes curled up in a corner freaking out. (I do like that corner though, it's nice and dark, in between my bed, a cupboard and two walls, just big enough to fit a curled-up me.)
I hate this. It's stupid and pathetic. Also, my body really disgusts me right now. There's a friend's birthday party later this evening, so I'll be exposed to trigger no. 5 in my ranking, the smell of alcohol. I don't know if I can go, I'm still shaky and a bit freaked out right now.
Hope I didn't gross you out too badly. Thanks for listening.
Anyway, constipation is now my second strongest trigger. I know, stupid, weird, embarassing, pathetic and absolutely disgusting. I really make myself want to puke right now. While all my other triggers make me aggressive and defensive, this one makes me feel vulnerable and helpless, so I just spent a good 15 minutes curled up in a corner freaking out. (I do like that corner though, it's nice and dark, in between my bed, a cupboard and two walls, just big enough to fit a curled-up me.)
I hate this. It's stupid and pathetic. Also, my body really disgusts me right now. There's a friend's birthday party later this evening, so I'll be exposed to trigger no. 5 in my ranking, the smell of alcohol. I don't know if I can go, I'm still shaky and a bit freaked out right now.
Hope I didn't gross you out too badly. Thanks for listening.
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
I understand your angst intimately, Neo. It is an unspeakably gross phenom in our culture and. . . Ouch. The worst part is that the anxiety over mishaps exacerbates the problem on a physical level, making the physical symptoms even worse, which in turn makes the anxiety increasingly warranted.
Vent that anxiety, Neo. It is warranted.
big hugs.
Not much grosses me out, btw. Breathe and go easy on yourself. Self-care. And that does sound like a good corner.