I understand now that the incessant snacking I did as a kid was just my way of coping with the pain of the abuse. It lead me to be obese before the word was commonly used. Then in high school I starved myself because I could no longer take the ridicule of classmates and sometimes teachers. I went from size 16 to size 9 in about 2 years. I have never been able to keep all the weight off. After I got married, the weigh came back. Now I wear a size 22 and struggle each day to not eat when the anxiety gets bad. I am so sick of being the fat woman. I try to avoid food but when the nightmares are bad, the gnawing hunger comes back. I hate it. I am angry at myself for letting me be this way. I just want to be normal.
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