i'm in my second week of a flashback psychosis and? ? ? details unimportant. my own approach to flashback psychosis is to address the cycle, not the long-gone subject of the freak show. i think i'm holding steady. i think. . . knowledge is precious hard to come by in the course of a flashback psychosis. is that a fact or a feeling agitating the psychotic fog this time? it's hard to be sure of anything in a fog.

a standard part of my own flashback psychosis is where my partner of 43 years recognizes my unbalanced state and grows his proverbial martian antennae to begin treating my mental illness like a do-it-yourself project. let me trust my therapy network? only if they elect him as the ruling authority. this weary piece of my recovery is far from unique. men are martians, after all. martians will be martians. one of the early intake counselors who helped me through one of hubby's early attempts to have me committed advised me to **just** let the drama play out. it is common enough that the vast majority of intake counselors recognize it before the couple finishes crossing the parking lot. posturing martians carry a distinct body language.

divorce is a fairly standard solution to this psycho snot knot. i don't like lawyers well enough to seek a divorce, but separation has worked well for me. we were living in different states at the start of the domestic shit storms which resulted in our need to rescue our grandchildren from foster care. i set up my house in the other state with single parenting in mind. just in case. . .

hubby hasn't had the opportunity to drive me to help since december, 2005. in that drive, he took the therapist up on her offer to participate in therapy of his own while he gave me his blessing to go visit my sister. i accepted his vague evasion at face value while plying therapy tools to the urge to assume the evasion meant he is still too perfect for therapy. fact is, the information is not available, nor is it mine to sort.

no, friends, this is not the subject of the flashback psychosis. just an ever-present anxiety in my current effort to attempt a second parenting career with a man i have been consistently advised to divorce for the sake of my recovery from child sex trafficking.

again, i am not sure what i am reaching for here. thoughts? experience? unsolicited advice? divorce lawyer referrals?

again i leave the mood icon on the rapid cycling median.