Steele, we know those feelings well. Luckily we do get breaks from the misery. Comforting hugs.

Fortunately, when I don't want to be here and I'm better off gone I found a way to do that without hurting myself: books. I know, it sounds corny and too easy, but when I was a kid growing up in a war zone in South America, that's what I used to escape the madness mentally and go to a safe place, if only in my imagination. It didn't stop me from getting severe PTSD, it did keep me alive.

I pursued it until getting a PhD in literature almost by accident. I kept chasing books through school after school at ever highers levels just to get more books until one day I found myself at the doctoral level. Other classmates were pursuing doctorates as a career plan. I was just reading to stay alive.

It still works for me, and now I've opened the coping strategy up to include the many stories told on film on Netflix, too. Just to fly away in my mind because I don't want to be here and am better off gone, as you say. For real.

When kids at my school ask me as their death and dying teacher if I have a hope of heaven, I tell them it's that in heaven I'll find other better species from other better planets. This here has been unacceptable.

Lots of support to you, Toughassteele. What you're feeling is justified and real, in my experience. A book that helped me is One Hundred Years of Solitude. The title says it all.

You're not alone. I take it 15 minutes at a time. It doesn't seem fair. Lots of support and hugs.

Thank you for caring I'm going to look up that book. I really am having a hard time.

((((Toughassteele)))))
I’m sorry things are so hard rite now, you’re not alone
Sending support & gentle hug

i am sorry that you are suffering so and i hope it gets better soon

Todays a hard day not wanting to do this

Toughassteele. I can only say that virtually unremitting agony has been the mainstay of this life and i have wanted to be not here since for decades BUT i/we do not know without question that we would be BETTER OFF gone.

Well I have this friend we were best friends but drifted apart because of my ex husband. But we have been hanging out and she invited me to her familys house. So that was nice. Until I left then felt that feeling again.