Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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Dodging Secrets

arfie
arfie
I started life with incestuous secrets. My healing journey began with letting the webs of secrets out of the closet where they could be treated outside the infecting circles. Being asked to keep secrets is now one of my most potent triggers. If you need to keep secrets, please keep them out of my face. I dislike gossip just as much, so odds are way favorable that I will never repeat your personal stories, but please let me treat them like stories and not big, national secrets.

My current problem is my in-laws. These folks love secrets. If one of them decides start wearing clown make-up, the rest will try to keep it secret. After 32 years, I am still constantly floored by the retribution for stating the obvious and not knowing it was supposed to be a secret.

They are what they are.

Any tips for coping?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Arfie, IDK - but I feel the same way! Partly because I am so transparent and maybe even too transparent - but I don't relay a story for the purpose of slandering or harming or airing dirty laundry, yet sometimes I've been informed that that which I relayed was supposed to be confidential! It may not be the same as 'keeping secrets' but it's better if it simply is not said to me . . .
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just took a quick break to read and your post was interesting, because I hate gossip and drama and secrets, all that as well. I would say that there is a lot of it in men that i have worked with and it triggered me. I think that act of secrets between people is a trigger somehow, have not explored it yet, I would say for me right now it would mean that I would not be able to trust these people to be honest with me.
alive47
alive47
I am sorry that it Upsets You but I am alittle bit Different in that Subject. When Family or Friends problems come along, One would say something about the Other & I would Tell whomever was telling Me about the Other I would tell them that I want to Hear it From The other Person ( the Source ) then I would not tell the Person whom was telling Me in the First Place what was said at ALL. I pray that everything gets Better for You arfie.
unlivedlife
unlivedlife
arfie the older I get with this PTSD I do not have time for secrets I am the type if you have a problem deal with it head on and quit keeping it to yourself and if you feel like you cannot share whatever it is with the ones closes to you then they do not deserve to be around you in the first place......Now I know I did not help your situation at all...Arfie you are one of my favorite people on here and I hope you find an easy solution.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I live in a world apart from my in-laws. I got sick and they blame me. I also know that they avoid the truth and the elephant in the room gets a blind-eye more often than not. Long story short, that is not who I am. I have fought too hard to be here and am trying my best everyday to celebrate the life I now have. I cope with them and the differences by reminding myself that I can try to accept that they are different, even if I don't like, accept or appreciate what they do.

I don't know if this will work for you, but I hope it helps at least to know you are not alone. In the end we are all very different and we each have our own journey to make. I hope that your family will become enlightened-and maybe one day, all the secrets will finally just stop.
charliegirl29
charliegirl29
Much like in political campaigns...everyone wants the spotlight on something other than what embarssess them ....families are notorious for this. It really can piss a person off especially when the secret is something that should be told as it may jepordize others.

I think everyone wants a bit of confidentiality and/or respect for their personal outcries (they can be embarassing for some of us after the fact we air them in public....talking about myself here.) but I do not think repeating a personal story you hear always pertains to gossip.......but it is like the old game .....whispering in someone's ear and down the line and see how much the story changes. It is funny how that works.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I detest seceret.I was asked by my family to keep a suicide a secret.I did for a while and then decided not to.And i feel good that i did not do as they wish.I HATE secrets.

I was on the friends and family suicide support group and a lady there told me keep the family secret.It trigger the living daylights out of me and only made me want to tell it to whoever wanted t hear it.And i did.

I would not dibulge other people stories however because they are not mine to do so.But family secrets or dysfunctional family secrets that affect the innocent will not stay secret with me long.