Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

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LorileiTheWolf
LorileiTheWolf

hi, first time user here, I was recently diagnoised with PTSD( as well as Bipolar, and generlized anxiety disorder) but I can't really remember my trauma all that well, it sort of feels like I'm lying but a part of me is also afraid to admit the parts I do remember. I was sexually abused, I was groomed, taught to believe that what happened to me was okay and so some part of me still believes that because I was brainwashed. I don't know what to do, I can't seem to face it. even though I have trouble remembering, I get panic attacks and cry when  I start to talk about it, I can't even use bathrooms with certain layouts because I immediately get panicked and start to feel like I'm falling into this chasm of depression, I hate that despite being ina good place, one reminder seems to take me back to sqaure one. I can't seem to do a lot of things because of how I was groomed like a switch in my brain, if someone tells me something, I feel the need to obey despite what the concequences may be for me. I don't know if these are normal for PTSD. I've never really talked about it with anyone before and sometimes the diagnosis doesn't feel real. I'm just tired of being on edge all the time, this looming feeling that something bad is going to happen or that something bad is happening when nothing is happening. sorry if this is long.

Thor2008
Thor2008
Talking about it is the first step. I have not written about exactly my PTSD because it is too painful to talk about. Opening up to the therapist is very difficult as you have to give them a lot of power to hurt you. When I was in the military and receiving help from a psychiatrist and therapist but there was little expectation of full privacy. In fact, they both talked to my command (employer) about my case. It caused me a lot of problems with my employer and they were going to have a board to remove me from the military. I retired first but seeking help comes with risk. I still am only slowly opening up to my therapist.

PTSD is hard and from what I hear you can be made less sensitive to it but it never goes away.
SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
Lorilei, welcome aboard this DS lifeboat. Yes, PTSD loves traveling companions, and often the other diagnoses come before the PTSD one. Mine began early in childhood and is termed cPTSD. Memories bubble to the surface as we are ready to deal with them. You have definitely earned a seat in this lifeboat. Do not fret about blocked or sub conscious memories. You are simply protecting yourself. As you read posts and replies here, you will begin to see how well you are a fit, and how supportive and understanding the folks here are. You already know some of your triggers, and some things that need to be deprogrammed. There are many tools people share in replies, so read away. Welcoming and comforting hugs.
EvergreenDreamer
EvergreenDreamer
Welcome to DS. Triple hugs of support
StrengthofMind
StrengthofMind
You are not alone. I was 48 when my Dr. enlightened me that all I was taught was not normal but abuse....emotional, physical, sexual. Don't be so hard on yourself. Gentle, healthy hugs.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Right, you're not alone. I was diagnosed with both bipolar and PTSD at first. In my case, I was really compliant with my bipolar meds until I got kidney damage and was taken off of them because of that. Then, just trial and error got me a rediagnosis from my psychiatrist: I'm just PTSD, only that it's "complex PTSD" or CPTSD.
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/complex-ptsd-versus-standard-ptsd/

I was actually bummed to let go of the bipolar diagnosis because its treatment seemed simpler to me, which in my case was taking lithium. My PTSD treatment involved talking about incidents more than taking meds, incidents that were memories I didn't want to revisit. But I got a great VA psychiatrist who specialized in all 3 of the categories of trauma I've survived, and he made it count. What a great doc he was.

So I'm not saying this to say you don't have both diagnoses, I'm just saying it to say you're not alone in having a dual diagnosis, meaning PTSD plus something else. Quite a few of us do. LorileiTheWolf. Glad you found us. This is a healing place.
LorileiTheWolf
LorileiTheWolf
thank you for all the support, it means a lot. Hopefully with the right treatment I can improve, do you guys have any tips for talking about it or learning to trust your doctors? "'m having a hard time trusting my doctors or anyone for that matter, I start to think I can't trust them and I get paranoid, especially the first and only time I really mentioned it to my therapist, I made some progress but I immediately felt terrible for mentioning aloud when the session finished, I guess my question is what helped you guys cope or deal with PTSD?
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I went through a crisis with my docs LorileiTheWolf, that I wrote about today on Ev's DS PTSD thread about nutrition and mental health.
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/discussion/the-affects-of-good-nutrition-on-my-mental-health

It involved their misdiagnosis on their part, but also my withholding information about past traumas in my PTSD talk therapy, too. We had to meet in the middle, and we did, and that's how I came to trust them and then to trust a support group enough to join this one. It was the turning point in my PTSD recovery after years of being stuck at best, and then getting kidney damage from meds that had made it worse. Now we're all on the same team.
SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
I agree with Muji that it is a combination of the therapist diagnosing based on what we share. For me, the travelling companions of CPTSD came first because I spoke about present issues. What helped was finally seeing a pdoc after an extremely abusive and dangerous marriage as I knew I needed PTSD treatment. 30 minutes into the session, he simply said, I am changing the primary diagnosis to chronic shock syndrome from childhood. That opened the door to revealing the family secrets, getting past my guilt over speaking of the events, and real progress. He saw the frozen tears as I calmly talked about the current horrendous PTSD events, which was the tip off for him. The answer to your question becomes, we need to put out what we can remember with an expectation of understanding not retribution or judgement. Memory doors began to open. Comforting hugs.