I quit drinking about 1 year and 3 months ago. My boyfriend was an alcaholic and has been clean and sober for along time. I know he does not like me to drink. I only drank for 3 years but it was everyday. I was self medicating. I have been so stressed about my 3 girls because they are messing with me. Lieing,game playing and cussing me out because I will not take there crap anymore, I was proud because I stood up for myself but It does not make me feel motherly. But I can not handle the stress they bring on. 1 of my daughters was a runaway for 3 years doing drugs,drinking, prostituting for drugs. It started when she snook out of the house to meet friends and she got raped. She took the path of being more sexually active at 18 she has 2 kids that she cant handle taking care of. The first one was when she was 15. I tried to get her counseling but she did not want it. I would chase her down when I caught her sneaking out. she would be on the back of someones bike and I would be yelling give me back my baby. Went on the radio trying to get help in finding her when I could not find her for a long time, put out flyers. Every once in awhile the police would bring her home all methed out her legs picked so bad that they looked like cigarette burns. This was my sweet daughter who no one imagined would be like this. I got her undressed when they would bring her home because she was so dirty and in the bath she would say things like.....mom get rid of the bugs they are all over the place,and there were no bugs. The next morning she would steal from us and leave again. I have been drinking again not like I used to and I am soooooooooo dissapointed in myself. It started when the daughter tahat was a runaway told me that I was not there for her when she was raped and what a bad mom I am and that thanks to me she is a bitch. It took me back to those painful times when I wa s afraid when the police would come by I was always worrried they would be telling me she was dead.......I dont want to start old patterns again. And I dont want to feel the trauma I went through. Anyways just needed to vent.