Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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HUGS to all
I thought I would bring this up as a general topic rather than individual topics as I think it applies to most if not all of us.
We get embarrassed because of what is wrong with us. Panic attacks cause more embarrassment than anyone wants to admit. Being able to go or not to social functions. Just being able to complete simple tasks, like getting out of bed today... all of these we share.
About two years ago, maybe a bit more, I was verbally attacked for using a walker and a Service Dog. The situation escalated when my daughter tried to work things out and was verbally attacked herself for letting me out in public... security was called. There were formal complaints against my daughter and against the person (one of my classmates) as well as the college. The end result most people saw was that the school had to go over ADA laws with all the instructors, my daughter got told not to confront people but call security instead, and the person who caused all of this dropped out of degree program for fear my daughter or hubby would KILL her (which I was totally fine about).
It also did something for me. I did not get here because I wanted to be here. I did not ask to almost die while in the Army - the foundation of my PTSD. I did push myself too hard when I had a knee injury in the Army that got me a medical discharge, and now gives me horrible arthritis. But it is not something I did on purpose and there were a 'few' persons wanting me to push hard to be back to full duty. I did not cause that horse to buck that day... I have come off dozens of horses, but this one time I landed just right so that instead of bumps and bruises I crushed part of my spine. None of the situations that have compounded my issues since then were my doing - they were usually a doctor doing something stupid.
I realized that NONE of this is my fault. I do not have to hide because of these things. The rare people out there who think otherwise are, as described by my old pdoc, "assholes". They are not worth the time of day to acknowledge they are alive. Yes, I have these issues, but I do not have to accept being embarrassed by them.
Ok, I have subscriptions, not issues, but ya get my thought process.
I hope this helps someone.
One step at a time, we can all get though this.
yadlim
I thought I would bring this up as a general topic rather than individual topics as I think it applies to most if not all of us.
We get embarrassed because of what is wrong with us. Panic attacks cause more embarrassment than anyone wants to admit. Being able to go or not to social functions. Just being able to complete simple tasks, like getting out of bed today... all of these we share.
About two years ago, maybe a bit more, I was verbally attacked for using a walker and a Service Dog. The situation escalated when my daughter tried to work things out and was verbally attacked herself for letting me out in public... security was called. There were formal complaints against my daughter and against the person (one of my classmates) as well as the college. The end result most people saw was that the school had to go over ADA laws with all the instructors, my daughter got told not to confront people but call security instead, and the person who caused all of this dropped out of degree program for fear my daughter or hubby would KILL her (which I was totally fine about).
It also did something for me. I did not get here because I wanted to be here. I did not ask to almost die while in the Army - the foundation of my PTSD. I did push myself too hard when I had a knee injury in the Army that got me a medical discharge, and now gives me horrible arthritis. But it is not something I did on purpose and there were a 'few' persons wanting me to push hard to be back to full duty. I did not cause that horse to buck that day... I have come off dozens of horses, but this one time I landed just right so that instead of bumps and bruises I crushed part of my spine. None of the situations that have compounded my issues since then were my doing - they were usually a doctor doing something stupid.
I realized that NONE of this is my fault. I do not have to hide because of these things. The rare people out there who think otherwise are, as described by my old pdoc, "assholes". They are not worth the time of day to acknowledge they are alive. Yes, I have these issues, but I do not have to accept being embarrassed by them.
Ok, I have subscriptions, not issues, but ya get my thought process.
I hope this helps someone.
One step at a time, we can all get though this.
yadlim
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Lately I've been feeling scared and full of anxiety. I recently found a lump under my nipple. I hurt my back too. I'm in the process of moving. I'm run down. Everything is hard
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
My in-laws are all in a snit (again) b/c I'm physically and psychologically unable to endure T-giving at their place (again) and Hubby finally blew his stack and demanded just today what I did that they're pi**ed off at *me*----and there endeth the lesson....
Thanks, Yadim.
Because I have people harsh on me when they see me with a cane and I'm not obviously limping. (Well, yeah, I'm using the cane, duh.).... *sigh* Yep, the a-holes are out there. But y'know, my rectum occasionally makes noise too, and I never do take that as a valid opinion;-)
I hope you're proud of yourself for that, too.
It's huge, and it can be mightily difficult.
Intellectually, I *know* I'm not the person 'they' made me out to be.
But it does nothing to change how I feel.
Does that make sense ??
I remember a therapist, once, drawing two columns:
Column A: the messages that our abusers sent, in words or in deeds.
Column B: the truth -- what we believe/know.
The disconnect, for me, between the two columns was light years wide.
And recognizing it in my head ... hasn't changed what's gone on in my heart, and in my soul.
Maybe one day.
Maybe.
I hope.
I really need to get out of my apartment and do this physical therapy, so I pushed myself and went to the hospital. When I got there, the part where I work on exercise machines meant I had to go into a gymnasium of type room where there were a lot of other patients doing physical therapy, too.
However, even though they were geezers like me with all kinds of ailments like mine, they were acting like a bunch of teenagers mingling at a high end exercise club. There was a lot of flirting and feeling each others' biceps and so forth, even though it was a hospital setting.
I guess people are people wherever, and bless 'em for having that spark. But I didn't have it, me with my flashbacks working those machines under my physical therapist's supervision. It was all I could do to stick to business and do my whole routine, then get out of there to nurse those flashbacks and calm myself down.
I brought a friend with me for support yesterday, and I think I'll ask him to go to pt with me next time. I didn't ask to be different, but being in a hospital as a patient can obviously give me flashbacks such that I don't fit in with the social flirty scene in the pt gym. My friend knows me and about my PTSD, and could talk to me and be social while mindful of how I feel. I didn't ask to grow up from age 9 to 15 and see combat in my neighborhood to get PTSD and get triggered this way in social settings. I deserve some support, and I deserve physical therapy to heal my body as much as anyone else does.
Some people will just never understand that. You're right.
Thanks, this is a good thread.
I always remember that unless they are paying my bills, then their opinion has no bearing on my life.
You sound very strong and you just uplifted me. Yay!!!
Thank you!
I'm really disgusted anyone would go off on someone for having a service dog.
i was bullied, abused, tormented and rejected so much that i hit a point where i didn't care in a really mixed up way. when i got the first death threat (it wouldn't be the last) i went off the deep end. it was kinda like bring it on. here i'll do it for you.
people think i made up the stories about the threats and hate i've gotten over the years which oddly just produced more of it. hubby actually didn't know about a lot of it till recently.
all i can really say is it has taken a long time, but i am not ashamed to tell people to change the subject or walk out if i'm too triggered, ask for help, be blunt about my past and its effects on my life. i've lived the waking hell, really don't care if they try to pile on more cause they are really really good at doing that. mostly cause they are living in their own waking hell and don't like it when others are more willing to take the path of healing instead of bowing to the pressure to suck it up like they did.
giggle- i guess they don't like being shown up as cowards. i say this cause i know that in our path there are those that have seen the strength it takes to walk the path of self healing. they comment with genuine awe. for us though its just another day cause there is no other way i could ever imagine myself living. -Pip
I feel uncomfortable and embarrassed at times.. mostly because I sense a lack of understanding around me. At college, I can have a panic attack or dissociate and I'm lucky enough to live on a very, very small campus, so I know most people and I'm not in danger of being more hurt for any reason. But when it's over, I can say "I'm sorry if I scared/worried you, I have PTSD. I'm okay now." But more often than not, my peers don't know what PTSD is and if they do, they ask questions that are not appropriate for the time.
My best friend and I are slowly breaking down those walls but even as we attempt to educate others at our college, there's a sense of judgement and shame...