Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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How can we deal with "toxic" people? In my life, I have been able to avoid contact with most of the abusive people who hurt me physically and emotionally. But there is one "stalker" who keeps tracking me down since 1992! He has been arrested four times for assaulting me, and spent time in jail for it, but it never phased him. He is clever enough to always find where I am living and to access my phone number. Fortunately, I live in a secured community: you cannot enter without an access card, and I have alerted the management not to allow him in if they site him on the property. And my phone will not ring unless I have a person's number listed in it. Still, every time I see he is trying to get through on my phone, it hits that "fear response" of my PTSD, and I have to take measures to calm myself down.
The internet is another issue. This morning I received a message from a woman I will call "Nancy" (not her real name.) She sent me a note saying I looked good (my proflie photo) and she would like to get together. I responded thus: "Nancy, do you think that I have forgotten that when I was down on my luck and stayed with you, how cruel you were to me? How you stole my leather jacket, and threw all my belongings outside in the rain? You betrayed my friendship and I would never trust you again. Please don't contact me again."
She replied that I was delusional and had "wet brain." I reminded her of my friend, Michael, who came and picked up all my belongings from in front of her apartment.
But I do not want to engage in any kind of dispute with her- or anyone. Because of the trauma that I have suffered in the past, I do my best to avoid conflict whenever possible. That means staying away from negative people, who are liars and theives and cannot be trusted.
How do you deal with "toxic" people in your lives?
For those toxic people who have tried to steal from me, got drunk and were out of control, violent, etc...they were gone.
For minor issues...I figure that we're all toxic at times. Lots of forgiveness. Lots of just shaking it off. We all have bad days, etc.
In between...anything from talking to limiting the time I'm willing to be around the person.
As far as toxic people, I steer clear of them. On the rare occasions a particular relative is present, it is a large enough gathering that I can steer clear of her. As Patti said, some things can happen that damages but doesn't end a relationship. I personally would not have returned a call to someone who treated me as poorly as your former friend did.
You seem to have taken the appropriate actions. Showers of calming and comforting hugs.,
2."That was so long ago, I'm on a different path now"
3."There were things I felt were redeeming about you then, but they are not enough to do it now" (insert #1 if needed)
Avoiding them or situations can back you into isolation. This is a big world so if you have to crawl over a few rocks to get your seat in the sun, do it without apologizing for your growth.
Hugs and support.
J.