I'm so depressed, I'm so hurt & I'm so alone & have been this way literally all my life.

Recovery... I don't think there is such a thing for me as recovery from all of the trauma. The damage is done & it's permanent!

These are the hard days and my heart goes out to you. I’ve been in a very similar place as you from my childhood abuse trauma and being isolated by community & religion. Recovery for me goes in and out, but I think it’s possible just not perfect.

You’re not alone. I’ll sit beside you in spirit and lend you what strength I have and support you from afar. The damage always leaves scars but it is a sign your are better than your trauma, stronger than your experiences, this damage and scars show that you didn’t give up yet.

Please be gentle with yourself and give your heart & soul time to heal. I’ve been healing from my scars for over 30 years and I still some days feel broken at times. Have hope and if you have none left, please accept mine as my gift to you.

Comfort & peace, healing & support I send you.

So agree with Vitava's reply. Over time, and doing the work needed, we spend less time in the trauma, and put a life together that works. We get to have more good days. We're here for you. Healing hugs as you continue this journey.

Here with you! Hugs! Learning slowly that the survivor in us will overcome the past

Vitava's reply, so beautiful.

Lily, I can identify with what you are saying.
It is really difficult for me to accept my limitations as well. Don't give up hope. Things will be better. Things will change. You have to believe. Maybe all those other jobs didn't work out for a reason- maybe there is something better for you! Maybe there is a life path that will place you in a position that you can truly shine, around the people who are waiting for you! I believe there are people in this world, who want you! Try syncing up to what you love- maybe that will place you on the path to people who love what you love... people who might be better suited to be your friend! Take the opportunity to love yourself! For all that you are! You're amazing! We are all amazing!!! Look at all the trauma we have made it through! We are still alive! We owe it to ourselves to love ourselves beyond what others can, and to give ourselves patience beyond what others do, to give ourselves goodness! We are worth so much! It's so hard to see sometimes. We might struggle sometime's but we are so strong! So much stronger then we give ourselves credit for!
You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for!

Thank you for being here. For sharing your hurt! That is so strong. I know you are so strong, and brave, I haven't even posted a post yet.
Bless you. Thank you for sharing, I clicked on this post... because it's also hard for me to accept my health too. Who knows! There are miraculous! I believe!
I read in the national geographic magazine that there's a study going on using ecstasy to treat PTSD, and a large number of people who went through treatment using ecstasy combined with therapy, no longer had PTSD. I think anything is possible. I think today you could have PTSD, and tomorrow there could be a very notable cure! That could help us all heal, for good. It's hard to believe,but who knows for sure.

Hang in there. You aren't alone. Thank you for being here.

Yup, I escaped the Latin American war zone my parents took our family to for me to grow up in when I was 17, four months shy of my high school IB exams, and by taking such extreme measures for safety I thought I was going to be rewarded by leaving it all behind. But the war came with me in the form of PTSD. With age, my PTSD startle response symptom is such that I no longer like having a roommate or living with a spouse or a partner, because I'm leaping out of my skin all the time in the house when somebody simply walks up behind me in my safe space.

So I live alone, and some of my symptoms still condition my lifestyle now, over 50 years later. It's certainly not fair, however some people who live with it more successfully than I have seem to have approaches I try to emulate, at least from time to time in my most bitter moments. Those approaches aren't magical solutions by any means, but they're things I get from people like Leonard Cohen, who suffered from depression all his life, and so became a Buddhist monk to face it along with being a musician and a poet.

Becoming a Buddhist monk might be what I'm supposed to do, too, but the very thought of it makes me tired. Still, I take a thought from Cohen's song "Anthem" from time to time, it doesn't take much effort or cost me much to listen to it. It has a line in it I hope to find to be true in my own life some time, "“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in”

There's a web site with the back story of what led Cohen to write that line.
https://qz.com/835076/leonard-cohens-anthem-the-story-of-the-line-there-is-a-crack-in-everything-thats-how-the-light-gets-in/

It talks about the album in which the song "Anthem" appears, "The Future as an album is full of references to traumatic historical events, including Hiroshima and the Second World War." Looking back on this world's damaged past and his own damage from deep depression, Cohen was thinking about how people like us could ever see a future for ourselves.

It isn't much, but "Anthem" is what he came up with after 10 years of thinking about it. It's not the answer, but it's a pretty good song anyway, and it's not nothing. At least it makes me feel less alone with my damage, so I hope maybe it makes you feel less alone with yours and that it's not nothing to you, too. Much support to you and may the light get in through the brokenness.

Just want to say I’m right there with you. You’re not alone.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. please try to feel better, Maybe a med change is due? Talk to your doctor and /or therapist about your feelings.

Also, I'm sending positive thoughts and prayers your way!

Sending you support & hugs <3

I can relate to your situation and I am sorry you are feeling so alone and hindered. If we don’t have hope in life then we don’t have anything. It is my hope that you remain hopeful. Have you considered seeing a professional counselor to work through your trauma? It will take time and it is a process, but so worth it. I personally have found a new life afterwards. I can tell you from personal experience that recovery is possible. But you have to seek it and stick with it. You have to believe that you are worth the effort and I believe that you are. I take anti-depression meds that have balanced my serotonin levels and chemical imbalance in my brain so that I can function. They’ve been reduced over the years, but at first they helped me tremendously because I was bottomed out.

While going thru therapy, I learned that journaling was an outlet that allowed me to express my thoughts, feelings and emotions on paper, no matter how bad they were. It was a great way to express myself even though no one else read it, except for the therapist (who didn’t read it all, only enough to help me understand the different stages of emotional pain).

Perhaps you haven’t found the right job for you. I don’t know if you need full time or part time but I know there are plenty of part time jobs available where you can schedule your own hours to fit something that works for you.

What has been done is done, but it can be overcome. You can overcome. There is victory around the corner. Will you take the steps to get there? I pray you will. You are worth it and you deserve it.

Com certeza você pode ser feliz!


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