Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I was doing the 'worst case scenario" thing in my head while driving to work this morning. I get lost in a fantasy world sometimes...ok...a lot. I have been working on keeping myself in the here and now but it is hard. I have to redirect myself back to reality several times an hour.
I do ok when i am actively interacting with people but when left with reports to write or my own devices (such as driving) it is so hard to stay present.
usually when I am driving i am present enough to be safe on the road but I have times....and this morning was one of those times when I scare the crap out of myself. I was so terrified driving. I came up to traffic lights and had to actively make myself recognize that it was a traffic light and I needed to pay attention as well as green means go and red means stop. I had to constantly pull myself back or I would have just driven into the car in front of me. It was like I was the only one on the road. I was crying by the time I got into work. I am not sure if it was because of the stress of staying focused or the drama going on in my head.
I do ok when i am actively interacting with people but when left with reports to write or my own devices (such as driving) it is so hard to stay present.
usually when I am driving i am present enough to be safe on the road but I have times....and this morning was one of those times when I scare the crap out of myself. I was so terrified driving. I came up to traffic lights and had to actively make myself recognize that it was a traffic light and I needed to pay attention as well as green means go and red means stop. I had to constantly pull myself back or I would have just driven into the car in front of me. It was like I was the only one on the road. I was crying by the time I got into work. I am not sure if it was because of the stress of staying focused or the drama going on in my head.
give yourself a big cheer for getting thru,!!!
When being triggered I remember details from the trauma and afterwards that stretch back and I realize that when I was in much worse shape with PTSD that I then did not see the connections.
I hate it when the details were so obvious and due to PTSD they make much more sense quite a bit later.
But I have had that weird experience too with the traffic lights.
Several times would drive right through red, because at that time my brain was literally malfunctioning. Could not figure out then what the heck happened.
Felt like the biggest heel in the world. Went to court an pled guilty. Glad you're safe and you didn't hurt someone like I did.
I never really associated these episodes with PTSD because I don't think they are about real experiences. I think in "real" life I have more trouble with emotions; either they aren't there or I can't handle them so I feel them in a world I can control. It still doesn't explain why I can get so lost in them that i am a danger to myself, or worse. to others.
For me that is a trigger, loss of control, no control. I keep cold water in the car with me to help with grounding, but some times there is not enough cold water in lake Michigan to cover it, so I stop.
I am always leaving early to cover it if I need to.
Don't be me.
Your #1 priority is to be safe on the road.
I can relate, BTW...