The countdown is on for my beloved's next "Simple Procedure." After 3 consecutive months of simple procedures gone complex, I am ready to sic my meanest bee hive on the next medico who buzzes the word, "Simple" at me.

Deep breaths. I seem to be spinning off into expectations of the worst case scenario. Here comes the share... Gently edited to fit my current day, of course.

"I had problems making decisions because my standards were impossible to achieve. I wanted to make decisions that would get me exactly what I wanted, or I didn't want to make them at all. I learned through my therapy network that no one can know in advance all the consequences of any decision. We can only take the information at hand and do our best in choosing thoughtfully.

I don't have to make decisions alone. I can ask for help. Over time I have come to realize that this help takes many different forms --a meeting topic that offered perspective, a tug at my stomach, a "coincidence," the experience of others within my support net. When members share their experience, strength and hope, I listen carefully to how they handled similar situations.

In the grand scheme of things, no single decision is ever really that important. I can do my best to make decisions wisely, but the results are in the hands of a Higher Power."

Within this particular romp through the medical parks, not too many of the decisions were mine to make. I believe I would have chosen to sit under a tree and let my last moments be on the wings of the bio-net, but... Gots to admit I am kinda relieved my beloved is still here. So far. Hoping he will be here on Thursday. Still, I am choosing to be there. Well... Maybe I can just be the taxi driver????

Can you tell I am still as nervous as a varroa mite staring down a pesticide can nozzle?

Oh-h-h-h-h-m-m-m-m-m-m....