Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I just had a conflict with my boss at work. I have to say, it went well. Can you believe I'm saying that? She got angry in our conversation, and excused herself for 5 minutes to leave the room, get it together, and come back. When she came back she was red faced, so she was mad but handled it without flying off the handle with me.
I can't believe I didn't get angry back! I said so, too, that given my PTSD it would be expected that I would have been the one losing my temper. I have in the past. At another job in 1991 I got mad in a department meeting when an older instructor was picking on me. I felt he was trying to run me off as the new guy there, so I told him I'd be there until "hell freezes over." My department Chair put a letter of reprimand in my file for saying that on that occasion.
But this time, no. I'm surprised. I didn't back down from my position, either, which was that I felt I have been taking a lot of heat for doing a colleague a favor at my boss's request. It turned out when I took that colleague's class over he wasn't using the textbooks for the course. The students didn't like it that I was, so there was conflict there with them.
I didn't feel like that was fair to me. I told my boss so and told her also that I really felt it was time to balance out the expectations for courses among instructors. I think that's what initially made her angry, but by the end she was proposing a meeting to take care of it.
Geez, I'm kind of shaking now, realizing how angry she was with me. But better to be shaking afterwards than during the meeting, I guess. The timing scared me, and I said so to her. It so happens that this week is when my tenure interview takes place on Thursday after work.
Please remember me during this week, since that's a review of my work for the last 5 years that will determine my future for the next 5.
I can't believe I didn't get angry back! I said so, too, that given my PTSD it would be expected that I would have been the one losing my temper. I have in the past. At another job in 1991 I got mad in a department meeting when an older instructor was picking on me. I felt he was trying to run me off as the new guy there, so I told him I'd be there until "hell freezes over." My department Chair put a letter of reprimand in my file for saying that on that occasion.
But this time, no. I'm surprised. I didn't back down from my position, either, which was that I felt I have been taking a lot of heat for doing a colleague a favor at my boss's request. It turned out when I took that colleague's class over he wasn't using the textbooks for the course. The students didn't like it that I was, so there was conflict there with them.
I didn't feel like that was fair to me. I told my boss so and told her also that I really felt it was time to balance out the expectations for courses among instructors. I think that's what initially made her angry, but by the end she was proposing a meeting to take care of it.
Geez, I'm kind of shaking now, realizing how angry she was with me. But better to be shaking afterwards than during the meeting, I guess. The timing scared me, and I said so to her. It so happens that this week is when my tenure interview takes place on Thursday after work.
Please remember me during this week, since that's a review of my work for the last 5 years that will determine my future for the next 5.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Good luck at your tenure interview. I will be thinking of you and have my fingers crossed for you.
I'll be sending you positive thoughts as you get ready for your interview/meeting!
But. . . After the first few times I worked conflicts through to a happy ending, I started to understand the logic. I still don't get to work all my conflicts through to happy endings, but the times I have were satisfying enough to make me want to keep trying.
Prayers in progress as the story unfolds.
LOTS of good. Thank you so, so so much. It really validates me in an area that's new to me. I've had such a flight response in PTSD fight or flight situations my whole life. That's why my resume has so many different jobs listed on it.
But I've been here 5 years and have the right to be considered fairly for tenure to be here 5 or 10 more. I've never before asserted that right, I just went looking for another job. Thanks for supporting me in helping me find out I can speak up for myself under pressure without losing it. In fact, I can be the calm one when the other party loses it. That's new, and something new in this area is so welcome into my life at this stage of living with PTSD.
Now, prayers welcome for my big tenure interview before the tenure committee Thursday evening.