So I have been making progress with PTSD. I am taking kolonopin now.I was taking up to 4 adavans and it would not calm my head and for 7 months I dont think I could stay focused or numb,sad etc. The new medecine is awesome.I can think about 1 thing at a time I dont feel drugged just focused. I cried when I felt happy for the first time because it was such an awesome feeling.I started sharing with family members, opening myself up to being ok with who I am. Now I know that its not just the medicine, I am going to tons of Ptsd groups, I have the most awesome counselor and Dr. who keep in touch all the time because they truly care about me. The hard part with what I call the cloud 9 syndrome is you feel normal again and then the floor falls out from beneath you . The first time it was very hard. Now I realize that is what I wanted to let my feelings come out, deal with them and move on and eventually(cross my fingers) move on go back to work and feel good that I delt with my issues. Find out who I am. I have had trauma from early child hood in the form of being shy and picked on by my step dad. He never told me he loved me, told me I was ugly and would never amount to anything and beat my ass occasionally knocking the breath out of me. My mom who I told about it never stood up for me. When I was in 6th grade almost a whole year in the hospital for an inflamed ulcer and hernia around my heart from all the stress. My family decided to tell the doctors it was all in my head what was bothering me. Back then the doctors didnt ask kids. Did not know the symptoms. Child Abuse was never an issue. iT WAS DISCIPLINE...LOL. I then went into abusive relationships because I knew how to do that. The nice guys drove me crazy,I thought they must want something from me. It got worse as I aged and accepted that I must deserve it. So now I am beginning to find out who I really am. I am finally a kid with no abuse....When I cry or am upset I can do that without some cutting me down or shutting me up. Nice until the drop.