in 2019, my life as a comfortable retiree was turned upside down by a long series of domestic drama which ended with full time care of my 3 young grandchildren. in september 2019, the traffic deaths of my son and wife added an especially tragic note to the chaos. then along came corona. . . zoom zoom. . . ya know ya know. . . the paranoia from being on the "wrong" side of the masked divide on top of the zoomed family court disputes have had me afraid to share too much of that drama online. if the son's in-laws don't get me, the maskites will.

somehow the domestic front has stabilized over the past two years. these days i call my grandkids, "foster kids" because the grandma stereotypes are wildly inaccurate while providing a harsh reminder of just how much we have lost.

hubby retired from his corporate gig a few weeks ago, simplifying the logistical equation considerably. it is now possible, time wise, for me to resume some of the personal ambitions i abandoned at the start of this long, strange trip. that part has not been going well. i find myself resistant to the change and ? ? ?

i'm not sure what i am reaching for here. just sharing? trying to find words for ^it^?