So I am so confused as to what to do. My boyfriend and me have lots of good times when he is not busy with gigs or practice for his 2 bands that he is in. I have heard that it takes a special woman to handle a musician and his passion of music. You will never really be at the topof there list. So through therapy coming to grips of who I am and what I want. I am the kind of person that needs attention as in touch,compassion and understanding. All my life I was never good enough for people they like to let me know that.. So when he told me I was not doing enough to heal because I did not do what he thinks I need to do. It through me for a loop. I go to counseling, PTSD groups,and here. If I had the money I would go to an outpatient treatment but I dont. He told me atleast 6 times if I was not happy he would understand if I left. He loves me and wants to be with me but would understand.. I also like to have a drink everyonce in awhile and when I do he treats me like I am a terrible person because he is an alcoholic. I go to all his shows video tape them take pictures for there website. I am like the den mothers for the bands, make sure they have fluids and snacks. I help him put up his equipment and tear it down with him. He also DJS and does sound for other bands, I go to all of those. He tells me he wants to just have fun not any of the relationship crap. Which includes listening to me when I have a bad day.But I am there when he gets back from his regular 9-5 job and listen to his day. When he is not doing all that he is on the computer or doing something else because he is so busy.He does not want to see me cry when I have a flashback.Then asks why I dont tell him whats going on. There is a big part of me that thinks I should go out on my own so that I dont have to worry about healing at anyones elses pace. But I am a little scared. I just feel that he can live with or without me and that hurts. Is anyone else going through this dilemma or just have some encouragement. He is a nice guy but its all about him.Not sure where I fit in.
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