I am deeply sorry for what was done to you. Having trauma haunt us is something that has happened to most if not all who are here in PTSD group.

None of this is your fault. What was done to you caused you psychological trauma. Do not blame the victim, you are the victim. When people manipulate us who is responsible? There are many people who are con artists. All of them manipulate others in order to steal whatever the object of their desire is. Your x stole your peace and trust and many other things.

your friends are completely wrong. No one who has been traumatized can "just get over it."

It requires tenderness and caring. I am here for you and if you allow me, i will work with you to help you overcome this struggle just as others worked with me to help me. meanwhile please consider the following words.


Do you know that you deserve to have had your needs met?
Do you know that you deserve to have had your feelings validated?
Do you know that you deserve to be supported and comforted?
Do you know that you deserve during your darkest most agonizing hour
instead of being abandoned and violated, you deserved to be loved?
Do you know that it was not your fault?
Do you know that there was nothing you could have done to change that situation
and Do you know that you should never have had to work that hard just to be loved?

One cannot minimize an assault by blaming the victim. As to getting over it, that is a personal thing. Some people do I think. Many Holocaust victims became quite successful, one man came out of Auschwitz a starving beaten man to acquire millions and own a professional football team. The bestselling book The Body keeps the Score discusses this type of desensitivation though it has its challenges too.

I would think therapy makes sense to help you craft the right approach.

I had a friend who (along with her brother) was a victim of serious abuse in a foster home. Foster father died, friend learns of it and comes to the funeral with the widow comforted by family and friends. My friend then began loudly discussing what the man had done and the widow wanted her quiet and ejected. My friend stayed despite the funeral home's effort to move her and police were called. Instead of Jack Smith was a wonderful man, loving father, husband, and pillar of the community, the funeral involved, he took the strap and beat the little boy then continued, he was bleeding then he beat me and also did this.

They discussed charges with the police but came to realize the statute of limitations might begin again and she could ventilate what happened. No charges were brought and she basically had the last word at the funeral.

So sorry the x did that to you. It's not your fault. They are responsible for their behavior. The fact that you missed signs that maybe you see now, or that other people saw then doesn't change that fact.

So, processing things almost always involves talking or writing about them. Of course some people make art or music about them,too - but that's more rare. Anyway, feel free to process here. Your friends probably just see that this causes(d) you pain and that bothers them. I think things kindof slip naturally an appropriate-for-us each distance into our "pasts" as we process them and that it's a process that's hard to rush, though counseling may help facilitate it.

Best wishes on your journey, and welcome to the group.