Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
That was a phrase my psych doc used to describe when I was apparently doing great, but it was because I just could not take any more input and had gone completely emotionally numb.
I have been hiding at home, too physically spent to venture into public. Playing with the dose of my pain meds to see if there is an area of pain relief that does not leave me a mental zombie. The answer to that question seems to be "no", at least for now. I hurt and nothing is easing the pain, yet the pain killers are still knocking me for a loop.
My living situation, well, it is horrific. We have no income and no way to get one currently. Neither hubby nor I are currently capable of holding down a job. Me due to my broken back, him due to depression and the 300lbs he has gained because of it. Of course, we could both be sick all the time due to the massive amounts of black mold in the house. We live entirely off of charity from his mom. She is tired of paying our way.
She also owns our house. Hubby has promised we wont leave it until it is sold. To get it sold I have to sort through all of our belongings into three piles... go away, storage, come with us. Once I have that done, she will take a mortgage out on the place, buy us a used motorhome to live in (in the corner of the property) while the house is torn down and another one built. Oh, then we stay here, still living in a motorhome, until the place is sold. Still living on nothing but her charity.
The roof is currently layers of tarps to keep the water out. The newest layer went on over the weekend. I am terrified of being on the roof, but what other choice do I have? When the roof leaks the house fills with the smell of mold as the water pours into the carefully placed buckets through the holes in the ceiling.
Then there is the mom-in-law/daughter drama... my daughter finished her Associates Degree and moved in with grandma to get her residency to go the local University there for her Bachelor's and Master's Degrees. But they got along like oil and water. She is back with us, on pretenses of helping me pack, but grandma is waiting for her to come back. Daughter is making plans to move in the other direction to go to another University. That is a situation just waiting to explode.
The VA is messing with my meds, four different docs are fighting over what drugs I need to be on and what ones I need to come off of... and I am in the middle just spinning in circles. The meds have completely lost me the ability to drive. I can't focus. I black out. I fall. I forget. I get lost.
The barn doors have shut. I am just taking one step at a time, acting on autopilot. The hardest part is when hubby wants to talk, to interact, and I have nothing.
I have been reading posts of people having emotional melt downs, and wish that I could. Numb is a horrible place to be.
I have been hiding at home, too physically spent to venture into public. Playing with the dose of my pain meds to see if there is an area of pain relief that does not leave me a mental zombie. The answer to that question seems to be "no", at least for now. I hurt and nothing is easing the pain, yet the pain killers are still knocking me for a loop.
My living situation, well, it is horrific. We have no income and no way to get one currently. Neither hubby nor I are currently capable of holding down a job. Me due to my broken back, him due to depression and the 300lbs he has gained because of it. Of course, we could both be sick all the time due to the massive amounts of black mold in the house. We live entirely off of charity from his mom. She is tired of paying our way.
She also owns our house. Hubby has promised we wont leave it until it is sold. To get it sold I have to sort through all of our belongings into three piles... go away, storage, come with us. Once I have that done, she will take a mortgage out on the place, buy us a used motorhome to live in (in the corner of the property) while the house is torn down and another one built. Oh, then we stay here, still living in a motorhome, until the place is sold. Still living on nothing but her charity.
The roof is currently layers of tarps to keep the water out. The newest layer went on over the weekend. I am terrified of being on the roof, but what other choice do I have? When the roof leaks the house fills with the smell of mold as the water pours into the carefully placed buckets through the holes in the ceiling.
Then there is the mom-in-law/daughter drama... my daughter finished her Associates Degree and moved in with grandma to get her residency to go the local University there for her Bachelor's and Master's Degrees. But they got along like oil and water. She is back with us, on pretenses of helping me pack, but grandma is waiting for her to come back. Daughter is making plans to move in the other direction to go to another University. That is a situation just waiting to explode.
The VA is messing with my meds, four different docs are fighting over what drugs I need to be on and what ones I need to come off of... and I am in the middle just spinning in circles. The meds have completely lost me the ability to drive. I can't focus. I black out. I fall. I forget. I get lost.
The barn doors have shut. I am just taking one step at a time, acting on autopilot. The hardest part is when hubby wants to talk, to interact, and I have nothing.
I have been reading posts of people having emotional melt downs, and wish that I could. Numb is a horrible place to be.
Numb autopilot is terrible. Youd think itd be better than having meltdowns but in my book theyre both pretty much equal.
Try to hang in there! At least a used motorhome wont have the mold
I need numb in my body, but it is having the breakdown with the rest of me. both states suck.
may you find balance, in every way
Then sorry how that is compounded by the difficult living situation and such limited prospects for the future. It has to be hard to find a way forward with so many options closed off. Numb is probably a lot to achieve, under the circumstances. Much support to you daily.
One step at a time, we will eventually get somewhere...