Ok, maybe I do feel like talking. I just wish there was a tangible person to talk to. You're all real, but you're also so walled off. No tone. No facial expression. No hugs. No smiles. It's like I'm living the Truman show, being cheered on by an audience. Dnt get me wrong here. I love my audience and I am so so thankful for you. Sometimes I just want distance because I want you to be closer.
Theres a regular client who has me frazzled. He's a flirt and I'm not only uninterested (because I'm not even divorced yet and not emotionally ready to juggle single parent life and a man, nor do I even care if I'm ever in a romantic relationship again). I'm also often triggered by him. And I'm not sure why. I also don't care why. Brownie points for not caring! That's an improvement. But I'm still angry that I feel the way I do. I have not come down from anxiety mountain since I clocked out yesterday morning.
maybe that's because yesterday was primary abusers birthday or maybe because today was thanksgiving and eating disorders and food holidays are not kind. Maybe it's all hose things and all the loneliness and lack of control and the overwhelming move that's about to happen but can't happen soon enough. All of life is too much right now.
And this morning I met my daughhers daddy at the drop off point to have one extra clingy munchkin begginn for me to get her out of the car and me to put her in daddy's car. We obliged. And I'm so thankful we did because I saw that his car seat installation knowledge is so far sub par that we are lucky he's not been in any accidents. No harness. Belts through the wrong path. Headrest in the wrong place. Basically nothing was right. I gave him mine and replaced his, because they were in an accident before I left him and should've been replaced anyways. He says they were but I don't believe him. He wouldn't show me the receipts. So now all the car seats everywhere are definitely safe.
Back to work tomorrow
Unbelievable.There was a knock on my front door this morning and as I assumed it was either the mail woman or my oil delivery man I went down unconcerned, opened the door wide with a smile and he walked past me and was in my sitting room checking my chimney before I could even register that it was the guy who had terrified me a couple of weeks ago. He told me he had cleaned my gutters at the back...
My friend died early this morning. I have been visiting her on a different floors at the same hospital I was in than when I was discharged I would visit daily. Last night I knew it wouldn't be long until she was gone. The good part was lots and lots of people were coming in and out it was like grand central station, the best part was it was nothing but laughter and love. The reason why I'm...