Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Somebody in my bad news thread had said it could be worse, and I agreed, not imagining how quickly and completely that would happen today. My doctor's appointment today was tough. On the good side, guess what? My new doctor is Latino. No offense to English speakers intended, since my parents are US citizens and I myself earned a B.A. in English when I came to the USA from Uruguay to be sure to be English-fluent.
But since Spanish is my childhood and youthful language, doing the ENTIRE doctor's visit today in Spanish, with all of its bad news, was still a comfort to me and a real blessing. I'm so grateful for that, if the news had to go from bad to worse so much, that my eyes are tearing up with thankfulness as I write this.
So all the bad to worse news wouldn't just ball up into one mass of freakout PTSD anxiety for me, even while I was hearing the doctor give me the bad to worse news, I put my mind to listing everything here on DS PTSD as soon as I got home. It just helps me keep to trying to process this grief step by step in those Kubler Ross stages instead of rolling all my anxiety up into a nuclear bomb of fear, you know? I just appreciate mapping it all out here, and it's nice to know you might read it, too, and come up alongside me as compadres in all of this, too. Because you have taught me I can open up here online at DS PTSD, on the way home from the doctor I stopped by work at school and shared with one of my workmates again the way I did for the first time earlier this week. Since I live alone, that sharing offline like I've learned to do here online was a blessing, too.
So the week's doctor appointments are over. Here's a timeline of how the news has actually gone from bad to worse consistently:
*Monday=chronic kidney disease has worsened,
*Tuesday=tests show (a) anemia due to an unidentified internal blood hemorrhage and, (b) a kidney infection, and now
*Friday=tests also show (a) diabetic nephropathy and (b) possible kidney stones forming.
Therefore, today with my doctor we scheduled procedures and tests from next week until September to try to see my kidneys in every way short of eyeballing them directly via surgery. Upcoming procedures as of today are:
*an ultrasound,
*more blood and urine tests, and
*a colonoscopy.
Upcoming appointments as of today are
*a return visit to my primary care doctor,
*to my kidney specialist, and
*to a gastrointestinal specialist to seek out the location of the blood hemorrhage.
Since, like others shared about here in a recent thread, I prefer not to be handled much by medical personnel, today our mapping out this kind of busy outpatient summer at the hospital from now until September isn't welcome to me.
On the good side:
(a) I'm still outpatient, not inpatient, even though I'll be in and out of the hospital all summer,
(b) I am still not in dialysis (YAY!),
(c) I'm not teaching summer school this summer, so I have time for these procedures without missing work,
(d) if I do these overcome my PTSD to comply with these procedures and appointments and treatment works, I can still got to Uruguay with my old undergrad college roommate in September.
That's the goal, anyway. And of course, we plan plans but we don't plan results. Those we turn over to God. Like someone else posted this week to me, too, there's the idea that doors are closing and windows are opening. I'm just challenged trying to keep track of this many doors and windows in one week, so I'll appreciate your help with that.
I heard on the news that a famous musician died yesterday of kidney disease, and that the last of the Navajo code-talker from World War II died of kidney disease yesterday, too. It scared me to hear that on the radio given what I'm going through this week. I told myself, though, that they were both gentlemen in their 80s and 90s, and I'm 56, and that's got to count for something. I'm taking that approach to for now.
I'm grateful I feel I have a space at DS PTSD where I can vent and put my ducks in a row the best I can so I can try the step by step approach to this bad news getting worse. I know others are going through lots of suffering here, too. Therefore, as I put my stuff out here right now I still promise not to forget to do my part to keep sending out those supportive vibes to you all, too. Thanks for how you've been listening and reflecting back real daily strength to me all week in real time. I'm so grateful my eyes are tearing up again as I this. I promise that support and daily strength back atcha.
Be well, everybody.
But since Spanish is my childhood and youthful language, doing the ENTIRE doctor's visit today in Spanish, with all of its bad news, was still a comfort to me and a real blessing. I'm so grateful for that, if the news had to go from bad to worse so much, that my eyes are tearing up with thankfulness as I write this.
So all the bad to worse news wouldn't just ball up into one mass of freakout PTSD anxiety for me, even while I was hearing the doctor give me the bad to worse news, I put my mind to listing everything here on DS PTSD as soon as I got home. It just helps me keep to trying to process this grief step by step in those Kubler Ross stages instead of rolling all my anxiety up into a nuclear bomb of fear, you know? I just appreciate mapping it all out here, and it's nice to know you might read it, too, and come up alongside me as compadres in all of this, too. Because you have taught me I can open up here online at DS PTSD, on the way home from the doctor I stopped by work at school and shared with one of my workmates again the way I did for the first time earlier this week. Since I live alone, that sharing offline like I've learned to do here online was a blessing, too.
So the week's doctor appointments are over. Here's a timeline of how the news has actually gone from bad to worse consistently:
*Monday=chronic kidney disease has worsened,
*Tuesday=tests show (a) anemia due to an unidentified internal blood hemorrhage and, (b) a kidney infection, and now
*Friday=tests also show (a) diabetic nephropathy and (b) possible kidney stones forming.
Therefore, today with my doctor we scheduled procedures and tests from next week until September to try to see my kidneys in every way short of eyeballing them directly via surgery. Upcoming procedures as of today are:
*an ultrasound,
*more blood and urine tests, and
*a colonoscopy.
Upcoming appointments as of today are
*a return visit to my primary care doctor,
*to my kidney specialist, and
*to a gastrointestinal specialist to seek out the location of the blood hemorrhage.
Since, like others shared about here in a recent thread, I prefer not to be handled much by medical personnel, today our mapping out this kind of busy outpatient summer at the hospital from now until September isn't welcome to me.
On the good side:
(a) I'm still outpatient, not inpatient, even though I'll be in and out of the hospital all summer,
(b) I am still not in dialysis (YAY!),
(c) I'm not teaching summer school this summer, so I have time for these procedures without missing work,
(d) if I do these overcome my PTSD to comply with these procedures and appointments and treatment works, I can still got to Uruguay with my old undergrad college roommate in September.
That's the goal, anyway. And of course, we plan plans but we don't plan results. Those we turn over to God. Like someone else posted this week to me, too, there's the idea that doors are closing and windows are opening. I'm just challenged trying to keep track of this many doors and windows in one week, so I'll appreciate your help with that.
I heard on the news that a famous musician died yesterday of kidney disease, and that the last of the Navajo code-talker from World War II died of kidney disease yesterday, too. It scared me to hear that on the radio given what I'm going through this week. I told myself, though, that they were both gentlemen in their 80s and 90s, and I'm 56, and that's got to count for something. I'm taking that approach to for now.
I'm grateful I feel I have a space at DS PTSD where I can vent and put my ducks in a row the best I can so I can try the step by step approach to this bad news getting worse. I know others are going through lots of suffering here, too. Therefore, as I put my stuff out here right now I still promise not to forget to do my part to keep sending out those supportive vibes to you all, too. Thanks for how you've been listening and reflecting back real daily strength to me all week in real time. I'm so grateful my eyes are tearing up again as I this. I promise that support and daily strength back atcha.
Be well, everybody.
I'm sorry.
I flipped through some of the info you posted, to get a better idea -- in my head -- of what it all meant.
It's all part of one great big, long-standing puzzle, inextricably intertwined with diabetes, huh ??
Scary stuff. Sin dudo.
Yeah: the summer has certain advantages. Maybe certain disadvantages, too -- less structured time > more time to think/worry about it.
When medical stuff hits the fan, and we're not busy, it can really take over our lives.
May this somehow dovetail WITH the life you've created ... but not become your life.
May it have minimal impact ON your life.
May you get to Uruguay in the fall ... in robust good health.
May you achieve all your dreams.
May communication with all your doctors be so comfortable, and may they all be the best in their respective fields.
Abrazos, Amigo. Abrazos, paz, salud, y fuerza.
I will keep praying for the most benign possible results in every test.
This is very big stuff in a big way, but as Arfie would say, small bites, long chews. Take it one day, one breath at a time, one procedure at a time, and if you get the urge to anticipate results? feel us hugging you and reminding you of your own wise words: We can only make plans, not plan results....
And just breathe....
FOr me, the letters from my p-doc and therapist reminding them to not touch me without a lot of preparpation and to not try certain things at all (unless I'm heavily sedated, basically)... it might help. We have all these tags for diseases, but none for "Be very careful how you approach and touch me". Heck, forget the therapists--- let's make t-shirst for ourselves!
Big soft purrs of healing and calm to you,
Leo
muji, is your 'kidney doctor' a nephrologist? or urologist? I have both.. My kidneys are not in good shape either.. I've had a stone at the top of my left kidney that has been around 1.5 centimeters (not millimeters) for a couple of years, but due to my health conditions I'm a surgical risk, so have not done it. But y'all don't need to hear my whole story. I'm glad you got a doc that you can relate to well. Sorry about the heavier weight of your cross. I pray that both that burden be lightened and that you have the strength and wisdom to deal with it.
Try and focus on the positives and what you know helps you get through these times.
I'm on a steep learning curve with neuropathy from a trivial injury but seem to be coming out on top.
Hugs, prayers and well wishes coming your way.
Good luck with your neuropathy, compadre. Simpatico with you there since I've got it, too. Trick nerve play goes on there, doesn't it?
Speaking of giving support in Spanish, paz back to you, too, David!
(()))))))))))))(hugs back atcha))))))))))))))))
Hey! I'm praying for you. I'm sorry your news wasn't good. You are handling it will. I'm glad you are finding the positives in all of the bad stuff. Way to be strong.
We are all here for you. cyber hugs (((hugs)))
Rach