Just for tonight, a big raspberry to kidney disease. And tongue sticking out, too. Perhaps other gestures involving digits. Forgive the immaturity.

On the mature side concerning real coping, I go to the kidney doc Thursday, and the primary care doc Friday. We'll come up with a plan then. Fingers crossed for no dialysis still....

Muji

Oh no, I am sorry to hear that. What are they able to do for you?

Nothing, unfortunately. There are 5 stages, and I'm on the line between 3 and 4. 4 is dialysis, 5 is transplant or fatality. Hoping more tests this week show me still shy of needing dialysis. Stress.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/kidney-disease/basics/definition/con-20026778

I'm so sorry... I don't know the extent of your illness, sorry I don't know more about you. I know how rough it is dealing with medical issues as well as psychological issues especially if the medical issues stem from the ptsd or vice versa. I don't know if you are a spiritual person or not. I know that praying always helps me. So tonight, I say a special prayer for my friend Muji! Big gentle hugs, take care of yourself. Much love!

CPC

Chronic Kidney Disease is why I can't take PTSD meds and came here 2 years ago. It's been great how your support here has substituted for the meds. Still, I'm stressed about the bad news about CKD today and find myself wishing I could take meds nonetheless.

But I know if the DS PTSD support has worked for the last 2 years, it'll work to the end of this week and all those doctors' appointments Thurs and Fri. It's got to be.

I actually came to DS because of some serious physical health issues,, lupus, diabetes, and something called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a genetic fault in the production of collagen, which affects my whole body. I've been in the hospital many times for various lupus flare-ups, and EDS crises. I've had a few near-death-experiences, and a long litany of things you guys don't need to know the details of. My bags are packed and I'm ready to go.. this is not my home. I'm just passing through. My days are long and hard,, but I'm still here for a reason.
I admire you, muji, cuz you've been through all kinds of stuff and keep trucking on.
When my father had cancer and came to the point of it being terminal, the family gathered and asked him what he was going to do. He answered simply "I'm going to live until I die"

My PTSD is kind of related to the EDS because EDS often involves a lot of adrenalin rushes, to constrict dilate blood vessels that cause the brain to be short of oxygen,, but along with the desired effect come the other effects of high adrenalin - panic attacks, anxiety, intensity. Some take beta blockers, but I can't now because my heart is ... affected.

We are here for a reason, and, well, I won't go into all the metaphysics right here and now.. but, as the Desiderata says "the universe is unfolding as it should. "

Thanks for being an inspiration to me.

Tim McGraw - Live Like You Were Dying

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjRXGqRofE4

Extending my strength and support... I wish I had half your bravery and optimism... I agree about you being a good example, thank you muji.

Prayers & Blessings your way Muji. ((Hugs)), JP

Xa1: I love that Tim McGraw song

Hugs to you. Sorry to hear you are doing it so tough. Prayers that healing will com to you and you find the strength to pull through this.

I too have just had some bad news with health, but it's early days and I'm hoping the worst never comes my way. Cyber hugs.

You are in a big purr of healing and love from the lioness. Will pray you can continue to avoid dialysis. And consider CKD stuck in the litterbox and buried as is proper for something that stinks like that (from my inner kitten to yours)....

Leo

So great to get up this a.m. and find so much DS PTSD support waiting for me here!

Thanks. :-)

Wishing you all the best on this one, Muji, and that it doesn't result in significant additional "life's losses."

When your basic medical issue means that you can't treat it with medications .... like yours ... it's a very tough spot in which to live.

Nasty catch-22.

I'm hoping there are some additional, 'gentler' measures that can help you change the trajectory of the CKD, and help you maintain that "rich, full life" that you've (emphasis on YOU) built for yourself.

Big ol' man hug......

I am sorry, Muji. It's hard enough to do what you do with out your body working against you.
I hope they put a good plan in place to help back it down to where you can still continue to move forward. Yo have done so much in this last year...getting there on the healing, helping others to heal. All while being an educator too. Not easy for anyone.
Healing hugs Jewells.

Thanks again, everybody. I'm still angry about the news yesterday that the chronic kidney disease has advanced. Over the last two years we kept it stopped at the end of stage 3 out of 5, right before stage 4 and dialysis. That picture of stopping it was what I visualized in my meditation. That image translated to how I shopped for groceries, what I did and didn't eat/drink. That image of being stopped at the end of stage 3 not moving into stage 4 was in my mind and motivated me in what exercise neuropathy allowed.

So it's hard to accept that the image has moved now, against all efforts physical, mental, and spiritual to hold it back. I really don't want to slide into stage 4 because several dialysis appointments a week take away the ability to travel very easily. I live for my trips back home every summer to my beloved little Uruguay. I want to hang in there with my PTSD and not self destruct to I can retire there in 10 years. I want to die there where my PTSD began in the Uruguayan war of the 1960s when I was a kid. That would bring this PTSD combat thing full circle to rest. It means a lot to my PTSD recovery to have that plan against any suicide plans I've been tempted to do, anything like that.

So dialysis threatens that. I hope I don't find out Thurs and Fri in my doctors' appointments that I need it right now. This summer my undergrad college roommate and I just made a plan about going down to Uruguay together in August to scout things out to see how I can do dialysis down there. Insurance abroad and all that. I hope I didn't plan that too late and I can still go.

So I'm going through Kubler Ross's stages of grief processing this kidney disease news this week. You know: denial-anger-bargaining-depression-acceptance. Lots of anger and bargaining right now.

Anger: "Grrr, God, why'd you let this happen" one minute.
Bargaining: Then, "please, God, let me just not need dialysis right now so I can go to Uruguay with my buddy in August to make dialysis arrangements there."

I've been bouncing back and forth between those two little scripts all day. Pretty tired from it, really. Thanks for your support!

Ah, so you might be able to get dialysis there? Ok.

Transplant list? That depends on whether you have the insurance and social support needed to get on the list- you sound healthy enough, at least!