Good Morning Friends! I have been out of touch for a week. Went on a 3-day bender, which took me another 3-days on my back to recovery from. Gone are the days when I could drink and dance all night and go to breakfast in the morning! I study everything I can about addiction recovery, since this is my greatest challenge. I know that as I age, my resistance is less and less- I get drunk faster, and the sobering up is more brutal. Since I take psyche meds, I don't go through the horrors of alcohol withdrawal I used to, and which can be fatal without medication. But the emotional aftermath is dreadful.
What I try to do now is to understand the real "trigger" that drove the urge in the first place, the subsconscious disturbance, the plates shifting at the bottom of the ocean of my consciousness that created the tsunami urge to drink until it becomes a compulsive and I can't resist. I know I need to head it off well before it gets that far, but my brain and my mind are "conditioned" to repeat this self-destructive behavior, which I have been practicing for the past 35 years. Since AA and the Secular Programs don't work for me, I am trying to find my way on my own, working with my therapist.
I will never lose faith that I can change.
Good Morning, Friends, and Happy Father's Day to all the Daddys!The sky is a deep, dark grey, with just a slice of pearl over the palms in Himmarsee Village. Seems to fit my mood perfectly. Today I sent an email to my beloved daughter, Vena, confronting the issues that lie between us, rather than allowing them to continue to take up so much space being the Elephant in my small room.She is holding...